


You're Holy to Me

by Anotherlostblogger



Category: Buzzfeed: Worth It (Web Series)
Genre: Coming Out, Dirty Dancing, Dirty Talk, First Times, Internalized Homophobia, Jealousy, M/M, Minor Violence, Not exactly slowburn but A Journey (tm), Panic Attacks, Pining, Polyamory Negotiations, Religious Conflict, Sexual Content, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-26
Updated: 2019-02-14
Packaged: 2019-03-09 15:25:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 31,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13484367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anotherlostblogger/pseuds/Anotherlostblogger
Summary: Steven's lim(ited) experience with dating, sex, how he came to know himself and find love in the process.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [poiregourmande](https://archiveofourown.org/users/poiregourmande/gifts).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven Lim comes from a super Christian conservative background. Finding out he's attracted to men was never part of the plan.
> 
> [Unabashedly inspired by the beautiful song "Church" from Fall Out Boy's new album]

_If you were church, I'd get on my knees_

_Confess my love, I'd know where to be_  

 ✟✟✟

Steven Lim has lived his whole life being what his mom calls a good boy. He's gone to church, he listens to his parents, he does his taxes on time, he prays before he goes to sleep. 

Steven does everything by the book. What book? You name it. Textbooks, The Bible, the self-help books about anxiety and finding your path. He doesn't really drink, he's never smoked or done drugs. Never had sex.

Sex to Steven Lim was a bit of a mystery. He's never watched porn, avoids rated R movies, and sexually explicit music. He doesn't let his mind wander, in bed, when he wakes up hard and with a foggy mind, doesn't let himself think about what it'd feel like to have a hand wrap around him and pull him till he.....

He doesn't entertain those kinds of things. 

 ✟✟✟

The most vivid talk he was given about sex was at his Christian high school group one Monday evening. The boys and girls were separated with leaders of the same sex, sat down, listened, blushed, exchanged furtive looks. 

He was only fifteen, but there were kids sitting next to him who'd already done it. 

"It'll ruin your life," his worship leader told them, "What will you tell your wife when you get married? Will you be able to give her your whole self?" 

Steven was careful around girls. He was careful to be respectful, to wrap a hand around their shoulders in a safe one-armed hug so he didn't accidentally graze their chest. He never looked anywhere but at their faces unless they made some remark about their clothing.

Steven had one girlfriend throughout high school. They walked to school together, went to the movies. Every time he took her home he gave her a gentle kiss goodnight. 

Every night he went home alone.

He was lucky. He knew lots of guys complained about struggling with lust and not going too far with their girlfriends. Steven didn't seem to have that problem. 

It just wasn't his cross to bear. 

 ✟✟✟

University was hard. He was in a tough program for chemical engineering and had to eat, live, breathe formulas and exams. Who had time for dating? 

His roommate, a business major and national league volleyball player, did. 

More than once Steven found himself sitting on the couch, hunched over his laptop finishing the fourth hour of homework when he heard Garrett come in with a girl. 

They'd wave at him and go Garrett's bedroom, but it wouldn't be long before Steven had 0 ability to concentrate because of all of the noise. 

The bed creaked and rocked against his wall. She would be crying out. 

" _You like that?"_ he might say, muffled but still loud and clear through their paper thin walls and Steven would inhale sharply, close his laptop and try to go to sleep.

The "situation" as Steven liked to call it began around then. After one of those nights, Steven was drinking coffee in their little kitchenette when Garrett came in with just a towel around his hips. 

This was not the first time he'd seen Garrett half naked, but suddenly he was _aware_. There were droplets on his biceps, water trailing down his toned stomach and back, the jut of his hip. 

Garrett grabbed a carton of milk and slammed it, head tilted back, exposing the column of his throat, Steven's eyes were glued to the way his Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed. 

He took a satisfied gulp of air afterward, turning to Steven with a stripe of white just over his lip. 

"Hey, you alright?" Garrett asked him, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. 

Steven's mouth opened and closed like a fish. "Sorry," he said finally, "I uh, I didn't get much sleep." 

Garrett hummed sympathetically, before he seemed to connect the dots. "Oh!" his brown eyes widened. "I hope we weren't too loud." 

Steven shook his head rapidly, and he felt his face burn. "N-n-no, you're fine." 

Garrett gave him a wry look, "If you say so. You know how girls are." 

Steven let out a nervous laugh, "Yeah, yeah, man. No worries." 

Garrett grinned. "Though between you and me, guys can be just as bad." 

He winked at him before leaving the room, completely unaware of the destruction he'd left in his wake: Steven short-circuiting alone at the table. He wondered if that meant what he thought it did. 

 ✟✟✟

The first night Garrett brought home a man was another story. Garrett himself was a giant: 6'7, but the other guy had to be about 6'5 at least and was probably someone from his team. 

They were both a little tipsy and therefore less discrete than Garrett sometimes pretended to be. 

"Oh! Steven!" Garrett said when he stumbled through the door, as though Steven would be anywhere else at 11:00 on a Friday night. "Hi, this is Mark." Mark was blond and pretty, he smiled dazzlingly over at Steven in a way that caught him off guard. 

"Hi," Steven said shyly, waving at them both. Garrett was wrapped around Mark from behind, nuzzling at him playfully, and Mark half-pulled him out of the room. "Um, goodnight!" Garrett called out, and there was laughter as their door closed. "Good night," Steven said to himself.

He turned off the lamp, checked the lock on the door, and went to his room. 

 _"Garrett,"_ he could hear Mark say from the other room. " _Ugh, give it to me."_

There was the sound of the bed rocking again, and Steven felt his face flush at the realization of what was happening. 

How, how... _how?_

Steven was from a very conservative town. The only gay person Steven knew before then was Ellen Degeneres. 

 _"God, you're so tight,"_ he heard Garrett grunt, his voice at a lower register, and Steven didn't need to look down at himself to know he was hard. 

He felt blood rushing in his ears.

Mark was not quiet. Not quiet at all. 

_"Fuck, fuck, Garrett!"_

Steven put his hand over his pants. His cock twitched in his jeans. 

_"Garrett, uh! uh! please!"_

_"You like that? huh?"_

He dug the palm of his hand against his crotch. 

_"Yes, yes, yes!"_

He was palming himself now, grabbing at himself through his pants. 

Garrett was moaning, Mark was practically screaming, and Steven Lim came, _hard._

He almost blacked out with the intensity of it. 

Stumbling over himself, Steven raced into the bathroom, turning on the light. He looked himself in the eyes, watching his pupils slowly go down to their normal size.

He was hot and sticky in his boxers. Shame coursed through his veins, coloring his cheeks. 

He would never do that again. 

 ✟✟✟

Garrett brought Mark over the next weekend.

He did it again.

(and again, and again, and-)

He had to remove himself from the temptation. 

 ✟✟✟

Senior year Steven was in a frat. He thought it'd get easier. 

In some ways it did.

It was a Christian fraternity. That meant any debauchery was on the down-low. 

It meant Steven could focus on his studies. 

It didn't mean he stopped noticing the way his fraternity brothers looked when they worked out in front of him, or how good they smelled when they hugged him. It didn't mean he didn't feel his heart skip a beat when he ran into Garrett at graduation, or that he didn't think about how good his arms felt around him. 

"Good luck with everything," Garrett told him, and Steven felt a pang in his chest when they said good bye for probably the last time.

It was hard, but probably for the best, he had to remind himself that. 

But soon after that, he left the wild "liberal" atmosphere of college and found himself in a lab where he worked with two other people regularly-an older married woman and a seventy year old man.  

No chance of sexual deviance here. 

 ✟✟✟

Some months later, Steven was getting his lunch at the hot dog stand next to his work when he heard a familiar voice. "Steven?"

Steven turned around and his heart thumped again. "Garrett!" 

Garrett was standing there, beaming at him and...wearing a suit.

"Woah, you look good," Steven said before he could help himself, but Garrett laughed warmly.

"Thanks, buddy, so do you."

Steven looked down at himself. He was wearing a decent button-up and khaki trousers, his labcoat hung open around him. 

"What are you doing here?" Steven asked, perhaps more bluntly than he meant to but Garrett took it in stride.

"I work just next door," he said, pointing at the building practically adjacent to his own. 

"No way," Steven laughed, "I work there-" he pointed, "Though...in the basement." 

"Oh my god," Garrett said with a grin. "We should get lunch together from now on!" 

"We should!" Steven agreed, feeling something flutter in his chest.

What could possibly go wrong? 

 ✟✟✟

Two months later, Steven found himself fumbling for purchase in a broom closet, Garrett bending low to kiss him as he pressed him against the shelf.

He didn't know how he got here but he sort of did too.

They had lunch together almost every day, and were getting closer by the minute. He'd been showing Garrett what he was working on in the lab when their hands brushed, their eyes met, and suddenly they both knew.

'This is wrong,' his mind screamed at him, but Garrett took his hand, led him through the hallway, and pulled open a closet door. His mind shut up the moment Garrett kissed him. 

It was hard to think with Garrett licking into his mouth. 

He felt Garrett's hand on his belt: he was hard, he was hard and Garrett was going to touch him and make him come. Steven went weak at the knees. 

Suddenly, unbidden, came the memory of shame he'd had that night, and all those other nights. Garrett was kissing at his neck, but Steven suddenly wondered what would happen after this. 

What would his mother say? 

"Wait," Steven said, and Garrett stopped immediately, pulling back. There was concern in his soft warm eyes and Steven felt that shame overwhelm him. 

Garrett had a hand on his cheek, "Are we going too fast?" 

Steven looked down at himself, fumbled with his lab coat. "I...I don't...I shouldn't." 

Garrett said nothing, waiting patiently. 

"I'm not....gay." 

Garrett stared at him, dropping his hand to his side, but a smile crept at his lips, "Um, I'm not gay either, buddy-there's a little thing called being bisexual, you may have heard of it."

Steven's head spun at the possibilities, but his youth pastor's voice was still echoing in his head. 

"I-I can't do this." 

Garrett nodded, looking understanding. "That's okay. We don't have to rush this, we don't have to-"

Steven panicked, "I mean, at all." 

"You mean-"

"At all." He was finding it hard to breathe, needed to end this situation once and for all, "Ever." 

Garrett's smile disappeared. He looked lost, his hair was mussed and his suit was a little wrinkled. 'I did that,' Steven realized. He had to get away.

Garrett didn't try to stop him except to ask, "Did I....did I do something wrong?"

"No," Steven said, and he fumbled his way until he found the closet knob, pulling it open, casting them into the light. "I did." 

 ✟✟✟

He didn't see Garrett again for a long time after that. 

It may have had something to do with the fact that he stopped enjoying his job and eating alone. He quit. He moved to LA. 

His parents didn't understand why he was giving up on something he'd spent all that hard-work on to go try to get into digital media in Southern California, but he told his mom he had a backup plan. He could always find something in engineering here, he hoped.

It was coming on his third month of unemployment when he ran into Garrett at a Trader Joes in Downtown LA. 

Garrett still had that shuttered look about him when he saw Steven, but he warmed up enough to tell him about a possible internship at his work. Garrett had changed fields too, switching business for a production company that made internet content in Los Angeles. 

"Wow, it's almost like fate brought us back together," Steven said without thinking.

"Yeah, almost." Garrett smiled but it didn't quite meet his eyes.  

 ✟✟✟

Steven got the job. 

Garrett had a girlfriend, who he ran into there a few times in his first few weeks. She was friendly and oblivious to anything weird between him and her boyfriend. That was for the best. 

It was probably the most liberal space he'd ever worked in, but he never found himself belittled for is faith or his own...eccentricities. 

There was a surprising number of gay (and bisexual) men and women at Buzzfeed, but Steven couldn't bring himself to count himself among them.

He might have done fine if it wasn't for the day he met Andrew. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well! I didn't mean to do all of that to poor Garrett but here we are. This is going to be a bit of a journey, but let me know if you like it!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The journey continues with Steven finding his place at Buzzfeed and trying to make friends and new content but some desires are much harder to kick than he'd like.

_Oh, the things that you do in the name of what you love_

_You are doomed but just enough_

_(You are doomed but just enough)._

✟✟✟

Steven met him somewhere around his third week at Buzzfeed. He was in the middle of talking to Ashly Perez, one of the fun content creators who was telling him about a project she was working on in the canteen by the coffee counter when a stony-faced blond man in a tan sweater interrupted them. There were a lot of good looking people at Buzzfeed, and this man was certainly no exception. 

"Is this a creepy enough sweater," he asked her, his low voice completely impassive. Steven might have laughed at the seeming nonsequitor but he was stunned by the intensity of the blond man's gaze. 

"I don't know," Ashly said, not thrown off by the weirdness of his question. She put a hand under her chin and narrowed her eyes, looking him over. "That's a hard one. Everything you wear is creepy."

Steven's jaw dropped at how rude Ashly was being but to his surprise the man’s stony face lit up in the most dazzling smile he'd ever seen. 

"God, yeah, how will I ever decide?" the blond asked in his monotonous voice, but he was still smiling when he seemed to finally notice Steven standing there. 

"Oh, uh, hi." He stuck his hand out, "Andrew Ilnyckyj, content producer." Steven took his hand, and was immediately sucked into the vortex that was Andrew's  green eyes. He was still in a daze at how beautiful Andrew was when he realized two things: 

1) He was still holding Andrew's hand (Andrew was beginning to look a little amused by this)

2) Andrew was waiting for him to introduce himself

"This is Steven,"  Ashly interjected, saving him, and Steven dropped Andrew's hand like he'd been burned. "He's one of the new interns." 

"Oh, great," Andrew said, and Steven might have managed a smile.

"I was just telling him about our crush series," Ashly continued conversationally, trying to help Steven out. "But like how a lot of my videos are centered around my awkwardness, Andrew's other popular series is based on one of his key personality traits: his creepiness." 

Steven couldn't help but let out a nervous giggle there. "People think you're creepy?" 

Andrew's serious face morphed into something of a smile, "It's the voice. People say I'm somewhere between a serial killer and a robot." He gave a shrug, "And I'm not the most...expressive person in the world."  

"But when you smile, its-" he stammered at the intrigued look on Andrew's face, he felt his face turn pink. "I don't know, it's.. not very creepy to me." 

Andrew was grinning at him, "Well....that's good."

Ashly was smirking. "At least you've got _something_ going for you."

Andrew inclined his head, "I'll be sure not to smile too much in the Creepy series then." 

"Best not," Ashly agreed, and Steven shuffled his feet. He wondered privately if they were dating, but it seemed weird to ask. 

"But yeah," she went on, "it's a good sweater. It's a serious color, so..it helps with the whole stoic creep vibe you're going for." 

Andrew laughed, "Hey, it's my actual sweater in real life," he said, mock-offended, and she bursts out laughing. 

He turned to Steven suddenly, "What do you think?" 

Steven's eyes went down to the way the sweater hugged his torso. It was a flattering color on his lightly tanned skin-he might have stared for too long, because Andrew looked self-conscious by the time he looked back up.

"That bad, huh?" he asked with a huff of laughter and Steven shook his head, "No, no, it's...good." Andrew looked expectant so Steven stammers on, "I...I think it'll be good. On the video. For. Um. It's good." 

Andrew's mouth quirked up at one corner. "Thanks, buddy," he says, and he pats Steven on the shoulder before he walks away, "At least some one supports me!" he calls out, looking back at them and Ashly sticks her tongue out at him making him laugh. 

Steven's face is still flushed with embarrassment by the time Ashly looks at him again. "So. Um," she begins, arching a brow at him like she's waiting for an explanation for his weirdness and he runs a nervous hand through his hair.

"I'm...not the best at making friends," he says, mortified, and she gives him a sympathetic look.

"No! No you're doing fine." Ashly bumps shoulders with him, "You're made two friends already." 

Steven gives a little shrug, "I mean...I guess." 

She goes to stir sugar into her coffee, giving him a reassuring look, "If it's Andrew you're worried about, don't be.” 

Steven's eyes cut to hers, and she smiles knowingly, "Really. I mean it. He's harmless." 

He smiles back at her, but can't help but feel that's far from true. 

✟✟✟

As it turns out, Ashly wasn't wrong. 

Andrew is nice, or at least appears to be the few times Steven actually sees him over the course of the next few months. By the time his internship is getting ready to finish Steven's only worked on a couple of projects that Andrew's in charge of and the man remains, for the most part, a mystery to him. 

"You going to apply to stay on?" Garrett asks him casually one afternoon as Steven is hooked up to a camera and Steven looks up in surprise.

"I uh, I've thought about it," he confesses, and Garrett smiles at him. 

"Do it. You're a really hard worker, and, personally, I think there's something inside of you Buzzfeed hasn't seen yet..."

Steven doesn't know what to say, but before he can open his mouth Garrett has lumbered off. 

✟✟✟

He applies to stay on. He gets the internship. 

6 more months in paradise.

✟✟✟

At somepoint Steven downloads Tinder.

After swiping left on nearly every girl he sees he gets a match with a pretty girl named Ying.

They go out and it's kind of nice. 

She doesn't actually live in LA though, she's from the midwest and really wanted a sort of tour guide for the weekend. When she's getting ready to go back home they exchange numbers, promise to call. 

Maybe he can do this.

✟✟✟

The second internship goes better than expected. He's really beginning to like the work he's doing and he's making okay money so he decides to take a risk and bleaches his hair blond.

He laughs at his reflection in the mirror but loves it, "Who am I?" he asks out loud, but he's grinning and thinks maybe he'll fit into Los Angeles after all. 

As that internship winds down he applies again, this time for an actual job.

He almost cries when he gets it. 

✟✟✟

8 months in as a content producer at Buzzfeed and Steven's social anxiety hasn't really given up on him yet. One of the more vocal producers at Buzzfeed is Keith Habersberger: boisterous, loud, and hilarious Keith makes friends with everyone he meets. The man literally has made multiple videos about befriending strangers off the street and hanging out with them for a day. This is why Steven approaches him to talk to him to talk about his anxiety about making friends. He tells him as much as he can bear, including the fact that one of his closest relationships is with a girl he is sort-of-penpals with. (They're not really dating, but that's okay.) 

Keith sets him up with one of the cool kids at Buzzfeed: Zack Evans. It's a little embarrassing in that Steven made this the content of his video (one of his first original videos!), and therefore, Zack knows (has to know) that he's chosen him specifically to befriend: it makes it feel a little artificial and like he's part of some strange dating show, but for friends. 

Zack, thankfully, doesn't seem bothered. 

They don't become best friends over night, if that's what he thought would happen, but at least now he can wave at him when he passes him in the hallway. 

Keith takes pity on him and makes sure to sit with him and include him on shoots or meals in the Canteen where he'd otherwise be alone, which is maybe why, sometime during that spring when Keith's best friend, Chris Reinacher quits Buzzfeed Steven asks him if he'd like to cohost his new show. 

The other reason of course is that he was fairly inspired by Keith and Chris in the first place. 

Keith made hilarious videos with Chris where they would go around and test out different types of chicken (Chickenwatch!) or coffee or hashbrowns, or anything, and vote on which was the best. It looked like a ton of fun, and Steven enjoyed trying new types of food, and so he thought (he hoped) this would be a good fit for him and Keith. 

It...isn't, really.

It's not Keith's fault but his heart isn't in it. Steven makes too many jokes about being his new best friend which he sees, in retrospect, might have been tactless cause every time he does Keith withdraws a little further. He doesn't know how to be natural with another person and not...force...a friendship when he feels so awkward all of the time. 

Keith is still sad about Chris, and maybe he should have given him more time.

Then Keith is invited to join a new group called The Try Guys, so Steven realizes he's gonna need a new cohost. He's only made two episodes and he already needs someone new. How on earth is this going to work? 

The camera man, Adam, might be even quieter than he is if that's possible, but he still comes up to Steven when he's editing the second (and possibly last) episode of the show and says, "You should ask Andrew." 

Steven scrunches up his face, "Andrew? Ily-necki...vich?" 

Most of the videos he's seen Andrew in have been sketches, though he's not sure if Andrew's actually been in anything since the Crush series came to an awkward close several months back.

Adam doesn't blink. "Sure. He loves food. He works on videos for Tasty. I think he'd do it. He might complain but...he'd be good at it."

It's funny because Andrew doesn't strike him as the cohost type. Even without having spent much time with him, Steven knows Andrew is nothing like Keith is, that he wouldn't exactly be the expected extraverted "talent" of the group which had originally been the plan-the whole Odd Couple thing. 

But considering how well Steven's got on with extroverts recently, he wonders if that isn't a bad thing.

"Do you...should we go ask him?" he asks, suddenly nervous at the prospect of actually approaching him.

"I think we can, when it's time to film it. Like we sneak up on him with the camera like.. To Catch a Predator." 

Steven lets out a shocked laugh, "What?!" 

"To catch a co-host," Adam says wryly, and Steven laughs more. 

Just then, Andrew enters the room, talking animatedly with Ashly about something. Things were a little weird between them for a bit but they appear to be on good terms again, which makes the office a little easier to breathe. But in the sad way he sees Andrew regard Ashly when she's not looking, he thinks that maybe Andrew could use this reprieve as much as he can. 

"That sounds like a plan," he says, smiling at Adam and Adam nods. "Worth it." 

✟✟✟

From the moment they jokingly kidnap Andrew that week it's off to a bit of a rocky start. 

Steven has that sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach at first that maybe this is going to be as awkward as it was with Keith but in a different way since Andrew doesn't know him as well.

Andrew has a very set bubble of personal space. Steven has a hard time remembering that. 

"You want to...cheers pizza?" he asks dubiously but Steven doesn't back down-so Andrew reluctantly participates. 

In the end it's fun, even if he feels like he has to lasso Andrew into it. 

"I don't know.." he sighs as Adam uploads the footage sometime later, but Adam doesn't look up from where he's transferring files. "It was good. We'll do it again." 

Steven leans against the desk with his hip, frowning, "Are you sure?"

Adam nods, looking up at him, "He'll come around." 

Luckily, Adam proves to be right. 

✟✟✟

Andrew plays up the Old Man persona for the camera (it's partially true) but he sees Andrew's beginning to relax and enjoy it. 

Adam wasn't wrong: Andrew loves food. He gets excited and starts making metaphors about meatballs and similes about sushi and waxing lyrical about lamb chops...he's exactly the sort of co-host Steven could have dreamed of. It's like Andrew says what he's really thinking, however ridiculous it might seem to the non-foodies around them. 

One thing that _doesn't_ change from the moment they start is that Andrew isn't used to being a talking head. He can't seem to be able to talk to the camera unless he's talking to Adam, which is sweet, but also means that most everything he says is always directed at Steven. 

Andrew's always had this intensity about him that Steven noticed from the start, but when he jokes and smiles at him it's so precious that sometimes he's not sure he wants to put it in the video-sometimes he wishes he could keep it to himself. 

Steven doesn't know when Worth It began to feel so much like a series of dates but one thing's for certain: if Andrew hasn't noticed it, the commenters on their videos have.

The only other comments they get more (aside from complaints about the prices and extravagance of some of their high price point spots) is about how much they love Adam for his 8 second cameos in every episode. 

And if Steven finds himself overanalyzing the way they look at each other when he's going over things in post, or if he feels rocked to his core a little bit every time they accidentally brush hands or knees under the table, that's just...Steven being Steven.

To be fair, they get to travel together, to Washington, to Arizona, Nevada, to do these little jumps across the country for fancy meals, and how could they not get close during all this time? 

'This is just what you wanted,' Steven scolds himself when he's brushing his teeth in their hotel bathroom in Portland. 'You guys are becoming best friends, don't ruin this for you.'

He spits, rinses off his toothbrush and goes back into the bedroom in time to see Andrew in the process of putting on a fresh shirt.

His eyes drift to his stomach muscles, his hips, his arms, before suddenly everything is covered again. Andrew's eyes meet his and Steven looks away. He feigns nonchalance but his ears are pink as he goes to put his toothbrush back in his suitcase. 

"Left or right?" Andrew asks him, pointing at the twin beds and Steven pretends to think it over.

"Left. No. Right. No. Left." 

Andrew bounces on the right bed, "No take-backs," he says with a grin that Steven feels himself mirroring.

"Fine, fine..." 

He slides beneath the sheets of his bed and lets out a happy sigh. He's wiped from the stress of traveling and being around so many people in close quarters for so long, and he knows he's going to sleep well tonight. He's halfway there now. 

"Night-night, Stevie," Andrew says, leaning over to reach the lamp in between them. From where he's lying, Andrew is a foot or so above him as he fumbles for the switch. He's momentarily illuminated by the light directly beneath him: his hair is cast in a gold halo, and Steven suddenly notices some gold flecks in the irises of his olive-green eyes. 

Andrew's so naturally handsome, Steven recounts from his hotel blanket burrito, eyes scanning over his features. His jawline is a thing of beauty, he's not too macho to admit that to himself. He's got a nice nose, good hair. His lips, too, he thinks deliriously, are naturally a nice shade of pink. Girls are probably jealous of that. Or maybe it just makes them want to kiss him. Of course it's his eyes that drew him in the firs-

He realizes he's staring cause Andrew is staring back.

His heart thumps in his chest. 

It's like Andrew is waiting for something, maybe an explanation.

Steven's face heats.

"Goodnight," he says timidly, and Andrew lets out a long breath and looks away.

"Night," he says quietly and finally turns off the lamp, plunging them both into darkness.

Steven's heart races as he listens, waiting, though he's not entirely sure for _what._

There's the sound of rustling as Andrew gets back into bed. 

Somehow Steven eventually falls asleep.  

✟✟✟

The next morning when Andrew's in the shower, Steven downloads Tinder again. 

He bites his lip, eyes shooting guiltily at the bathroom door.

The shower continues running.

He changes the preferences to Male.

At the first profile picture of a shirtless smirking man appears on his screen Steven feels his throat go dry. He pauses there for almost five whole minutes, debating whether or not to swipe right.

He swipes right.

His phone vibrates. 

_It's a match._

The bathroom door opens and Steven hides his phone under his pillow.

Andrew's still dripping, he has a towel around his waist, "Shower's free," he tells him, before going to his suitcase, bending down to grab fresh clothes. 

"Thanks," he tells him distractedly.  

His phone vibrates again. Steven glances at it covertly. He has a message.

Andrew's not paying him the slightest attention as he changes.

Steven momentarily pauses as he catches sight of Andrew's bare ass, looking more than he should, but then he's in boxers, and Steven looks back down at his phone. He clicks on the app and opens the inbox.

_[portlandiest90skid]: Hey cutie. Want me to show you the sights? ;-)_

Andrew turns around finally, dressed, and gives Steven a bemused smile, "Whatcha waiting for, I thought we were getting salmon today." 

"We are," Steven says, but he's having a hard time deciding how he's going to respond to this guy- _if_ he's going to respond to him at all. 

"Is that Tinder?" 

Steven didn't hear him approach and doesn't know when Andrew snuck up on him like that, and drops his phone in surprise.

"Oh, sorry-"

Andrew bends down and reaches for it and Steven cries out, "wait!" but Andrew gets it first. 

To his relief and mortification Andrew doesn't look at his screen and merely hands his iPhone back to him. His thumb brushes Steven's, and he feels it tingle at the contact even though the look on Andrew's face is closer to stormy than he'd like.

Steven's face is pink. "I...I was just-" 

"You don't have to explain yourself to me," Andrew says calmly, "It's 2016, nobody cares if you're on a dating app, Steven." 

Steven still can't speak. 

Andrew apparently decides to pretend like everything is normal. 

"Adam's already out. I'll just...I'm going to go get coffee, why don't you text me when you're ready?"

Steven must have nodded because Andrew gives him a tight smile. "Great." 

The moment the door to their hotel room clicks shut Steven deletes the app.

He throws his phone against his bed, watches it knock against his pillows, and land, safely nestled in the duvet.

If only falling were that easy. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Discussions of Tinder and drinking and dancing in New York lead to more interesting pursuits and mixed results.

_I love the world but I just don't love the way it makes me feel_

_Got a few more fake friends_

_And it's getting hard to know what's real_

✟✟✟

Andrew didn't quite let the Tinder thing drop after that, regardless of what he said.

He wasn't trying to be an asshole, but it was part of the rules of teasing your friends: you figured out what bugged them the most and gave them crap about it.

"Don't eat too much," Andrew told him as they entered the second restaurant for the salmon episode, and Steven tilted his head at him curiously.  
"You don't want to fill up before your big date."

"You're going on a date?" Adam asked as they set up at the assigned booth for their shoot and Steven went pale with embarrassment.

"He's getting all of the likes, or...whatever you call 'em on Tinder, or Bumble or whatever the kids use these days-"

"Grindr?" Adam joked back, and Steven paled further as Andrew laughed.

'They know, they know, they know,' he thought wildly, 'Oh god, they know.' 

"Yeah! Back in my day there was only eHarmony and MySpace," Andrew quipped before finally seeming to notice that Steven looked unhappy. His eyes widened in surprise. "What? I'm not...that's not an insult," he said knocking shoulders with Steven in a way that was obviously intended to be friendly, "I'm sure you're more of an expert than I am."

"No. I'm not," he said a bit harsher than he meant to and Andrew looked admonished.

"Some people are just more private than others," Adam reflected aloud and Andrew looked further guilty, "I-"

"You're fine," Steven interrupted, wanting this to be over before it went further into uncharted territory. "It's nothing. Let's just drop it, okay?"

"Okay," Andrew said, cutting his eyes at him uncertainly, and Steven offered him a smile before taking a menu from their table, "So, how excited are you about this salmon? 

 ✟✟✟

Things were a little awkward after that, but they got better. Steven could deal with awkward-he'd dealt with it his whole life. 

Andrew definitely seemed like he wanted to make amends, so he was extra cautious with him for a little while, but then, like many things, it got forgotten. 

✟✟✟

New York was better than Portland. 

New York was just so much fun. For an Ohio boy like Steven he couldn't help but get excited every time they went to a new iconic city. If he thought Los Angeles was the Big Time, NYC was a whole 'nother story. 

They were already filming for Season 2 (Season 2!!) Season 1 had done so well and Steven was so elated that he got to go back to having fun with his friends. Andrew and Adam _were_  his friends by now, anyway, and he was feeling more comfortable with them all the time.

And besides that! They got to have cake, and pizza and were staying for a cheesecake episode next (Dear God!), it was heaven. 

Of course, they couldn't be in NYC for as long as they were going to be without experiencing some of the night life, even if Steven had (on more than one occasion) confessed that he didn't really drink (he'd also accidentally admitted that he was a virgin once too, but Andrew had taken that in stride: 'I won't spoil the surprise,' was all he had said, and Steven had tried not to blush). 

"Maybe we should make an episode on night clubs," Andrew had teased him when they got ready that night, doing their hair in front of the hotel bathroom mirror and Adam gave him a look. "If I have to stay sober and film you two getting progressively more drunk I better get a raise." 

The place they ended up in was a step up from seedy but definitely was on the lower-end, price-wise. It was after nine when they got there-it wasn't exactly a a pub, there was a dance floor and that thudding music that Steven hadn't been enveloped in since his frat days. 

Steven had never felt at home in these spaces, but he counted himself lucky to consider that he doubted that quiet Adam or old-man Ilynyckyj would be into this. But when he turned, he saw a spark in Andrew's eyes that he'd only seen a few precious times when they were tasting something that was really surprisingly good. 

"God, I can't wait to dance," he said over his beer, shocking Steven into laughing, assuming it's a joke.

"You gonna dance?" Andrew asked over the thump-thump-thump of the music his eyes wide in the poor lighting of the club and Adam shook his head, "Lets drink a little first," he said, "Right Steve?" Steven nodded, and Andrew smiled at him, though he looked maybe a little disappointed.

"I'll catch up with you guys then," he said, and he winked and went and edged his way into the crowd. 

Even from afar Steven couldn't take his eyes off him.

What? _What?_ _This_ was Andrew? 

Confident surrounded by good-looking strangers on a dance floor?

Cardigan-wearing-buttoned-up Andrew? (Admittedly he wasn't dressed like that now-he was wearing a form fitting shirt and jeans, but Steven tried not to think about that too much right now). 

Steven let Adam choose a drink for him, and then ended up standing in the corner with him watching the crowd, searching for Andrew in the midst of the writhing bodies. 

"I wouldn't have guessed this would be Andrew's thing," he shouted over the music to Adam who gave him a little wry smile, "Maybe it is, maybe it isn't-but it makes one thing easier." He nodded towards the center of the floor. 

Steven followed his gaze until he saw it-and his heart sank: Andrew was wrapped around a thin girl in skinny jeans and a messy bun, facing away from them but grinding together in time with the music. Gawping, Steven turned back to Adam who offered, "It's one way to get off."

"Oh," Steven said with a forced smile pretending like this wasn't such a humiliatingly obvious turn of events. Why should he care who Andrew chose to 'get off' with, anyway? 

But then they turned and something in Steven's chest skipped a beat-Andrew wasn't wrapped around a girl, but a slender guy in skinny jeans with a bun. 

"Does that guy have a manbun?" Adam asked in his ear, laughing, and Steven tried to laugh with him. "He certainly does have man...buns...I mean...look at that...butt," he said, mortifyingly embarrassed by the end of his statement but Adam was chuckling. 

"I don't think Drew needs you to hit on him for him, but whatever floats your boat." 

"No, no, no, no-I-I wasn't saying..."  Steven stammered, feeling a flush rise up his neck. 

Adam gave him an odd look. 

"I mean...never mind." Steven smiled but it probably looked more like a grimace. 

He was going to need more alcohol in him if he was gonna survive this night. 

 ✟✟✟

Steven was past tipsy town and on his way towards drunksville by the time Andrew found them at their little table. 

He had a sheen of sweat over his face and his stupidly muscular arms, displayed well in that black t-shirt he was wearing. His hair was spiky and dark, and he had a pleasant glow about him that made Steven think about...other things. 

"Where's your new friend?" Steven asked him, a bit louder than he usually spoke if the way Andrew flinched away from him told him anything. But Andrew still looked in good spirits, "Ah, he had to go," he said with a small smile, "Good dancer though!" 

He noticed Steven's newest drink-something that was fruity and had rum in it, "Can I-" 

Steven nodded, and Andrew took it, drinking it almost entirely down in one go. In his haze, Steven stared at the way his throat swallowed, the arch of his neck and adam's apple as it went up and down-

"God, that's awful," Andrew said as he stopped with a quiet "Ah," and Steven took the glass from him, looking at Andrew through the bottle-thick bottom as if to say, 'was it really?'. 

Andrew smacked his lips together and Steven's eyes trailed there, "It's all sugar and food-coloring." Andrew seemed to catch Steven's gaze and his mouth curled into a little smile, "Are my lips red?"

Steven nodded, drifting a little too close to examine them as he lost his balance but Andrew caught him with a steadying hand. God he had nice hands. He was so strong. 

"Somebody's a little drunk," Andrew laughed, and Steven shared the smile like it was their little secret.   
  
"Maybe a little..." he said in a faux-whisper, and he winked....or at least, he tried to. He might have blinked both of his eyes judging by the amused expression on his face that looked like he thought he'd done something 'cute'. 

He looked to Adam to find support, but blinked in surprise to realize that Adam must've wandered off when Andrew joined them. Huh. 

"How come you haven't come dancing with me?"

Steven's head whips around to see Andrew sitting a lot closer than he remembered him sitting, and their knees knock together.

"Oh, I uh...I'm not very good at dancing. You should probably ask Adam," he says, but Adam's done his mysterious disappearing act and now what are they supposed to do?

Andrew laughed, "Adam just left." 

Wait, what?

Andrew sees the look on his face and his expression falls, "Or, well, I could take you back to the hotel now if you want." 

Steven hesitated. He didn't want to cut short Andrew's fun. 

Andrew, seeming to guess the reason behind his hesitation, smiled, "Or...we could dance a little bit first," he teased, waggling his eyebrows enticingly at him. 

Sighing, Steven threw his hands in the air, "Fine, fine, I don't want to be a wet blanket..." 

Andrew's grin widened, "Yes!"

"I can't promise any groovy moves..." he warned, and Andrew laughed at that. "Don't worry, I think I've got enough groove for the both of us."

 ✟✟✟

There were So. Many. People.

All around them, bumping into him, dancing on him. Steven is instantly incredibly uncomfortable, he wants to draw a line in the sand, shout 'personal space, people!' but every time he looks up, he sees Andrew, moving his hips and looking at him, so carefree and beautiful it makes him want to stay. 

Someone taps him on the shoulder and he turns and then there's a girl in front of him with long dark eyelashes, a tight fitted slinky dress and hair that goes down to her waist.

Distantly, he knows she is gorgeous, but when she touches his chest he feels uncomfortable and the moment she tries to grind against his crotch Steven steps back so suddenly he almost knocks someone down.

Andrew catches him before he can cause a real scene, and the girl gives him a look before seeing Andrew-still standing there with his hands on Steven's hips, and something changes about her expression. 

"Sorry!" she mouthes, and quickly disappears into the crowd out of embarrassment. 

Steven quickly realizes that she must have assumed Andrew was his boyfriend, but he can't see the look on Andrew's face and isn't sure if he wants to. 

Flushed, Steven knows he should thank Andrew, but now Andrew's hands aren't holding him in place so much as guiding him to the music, and he realizes that Andrew Ilnyckyj is dancing with him.

 ✟✟✟

Steven doesn't know how to dance. 

He really doesn't.

But then he feels Andrew's nose (and maybe his mouth) brush against his nape, and his eyes flutter closed-they're so close he can smell him, can feel him, hot against his back. 

Everywhere he touches is electrified with heat, and it's as if the music thrums through Andrew's touch and into his veins because suddenly they're moving as one.

From somewhere outside himself he can hear Rihanna crooning, ' _Baby, this is what you came for...'_ as he pushes back into Andrew's chest, feels the broad muscles against him, feels himself pressing back against Andrew's crotch, feels _Andrew_ press against him, feels his lips slide down his neck, a drop of sweat beads down his shirt in the same moment arousal drops into a simmering boil in his stomach. 

_'And everybody's watching her, but she's looking at you~'_

Andrew rolls his hips against him, and Steven's body rolls with him. It's thrilling and terrifying at once, and he wonders if Manbun had felt this way when he was dancing with Andrew, if this is what it always felt like, dancing with strangers in the dark.

It made something else burn inside him, but this left a bitter, acidic taste in his mouth like the aftertaste of some of those drinks he'd had earlier.

He doesn't pull away from Andrew so much as turn in his grip so that suddenly they're face to face, so close their noses are touching. 

He wanted to ask him something, it seemed really important in the moment, but the second he sees the expression on Andrew's face the question fades from his mind.

The confident flush on Andrew's face almost immediately leaves, but his eyes are heavily-lidded, and his chin is tilted up with those red red lips. The lights are flashing around them, and he's not sure if Andrew has ever looked so good.

They aren't dancing anymore, but Steven hasn't noticed because his hands are on Andrew's face and he's kissing him. 

He presses one, then two, then _three_ closed mouth kisses to his mouth before they're fully making out on the dance floor, and Steven presses his tongue into Andrew's mouth.

Andrew tastes like those sweet cherry-red drinks he was drinking earlier, and he moans, chasing it's taste, chasing the taste of _Andrew,_ feels Andrew's hands tighten on his waist, feels him pull him close to his chest, and suddenly nothing has ever seemed so right. 

He slots a thigh in between Andrew's legs and pushes up against the bulge in Andrew's jeans and feels Andrew let out a startled moan, so deep within him it makes Steven's blood turn molten with desire. 

He presses back in to kiss him but suddenly Andrew pulls back and Steven's lips miss and press against his cheek.

Andrew has a firm hand on his wrist, which gives him a thrill as he half-guides, half-pulls Steven off the dance floor to the side by the wall, and Steven's happily fuzzy mind is ready. 

He doesn't feel worried right now, he's not thinking about if this is wrong or not. It just feels good, and he's ready to feel good with Andrew again.

They're in a corner that's quieter now ('and more private!', his mind eagerly supplies) than the rest of the club when Andrew turns to him, letting his hand go. 

"Steven," Andrew says, and his voice is all gravely and sexy and Steven giggles and puts his hands on Andrew's waist. Andrew's hands are back on his wrists again, and Steven thrills at the touch. 

"Steven, I need you to-" 

Steven tilts in, presses his lips against Andrew's cheek again, giggles warm and fuzzily in his ear, "I need you, too," he sighs breathily, and he feels as much as hears Andrew swallow thickly against him. 

But suddenly his hold on his wrists are tighter, and he's pushing Steven resolutely away from him, making him blink in surprise at the serious expression on his face. "Steven, you know I like you but-"

Shame drops in his stomach, dowsing out the arousal more quickly than a cold shower, and deliriously he wonders how many people saw him behaving that way with Andrew, how many people think he's-he's...

"we can't do this-" Andrew says and he can feel the walls closing in on him, there are so many people looking at him, the music is too loud, his ears are full of cotton.

It's as if the whole club, his whole world narrows down to this pinprick, the scope darkening around the look on Andrew's face as he says, "This is a bad idea-" and Steven tears himself away and _runs._

 ✟✟✟

He hears Andrew calling his name as he ignores him, blinded by tears and panic as he stumbles out into some back alley next to the club, racing past the few people who came out just to smoke or get a moment's peace.  

Distantly, he remembers they're in New York and he's not sure how he's going to get back to the hotel. He slides against the wall by a dumpster and tries to catch his breath, sliding down it, hands over his face. 

Suddenly there's the crunch of two shoes in front of him, and someone crouches down next to him. 

He's so mortified he can't look, but then there's a hand on his shoulder and Steven peeks. 

It's Adam, and he has a cigarette peeking out of the corner of his mouth.

"What's wrong?" he asks, looking concerned, and suddenly there's the sound of someone running into the alley, "Steven!" It's Andrew. 

Steven lets out a panicked breath and misses the way it makes Adam's eyes widen. 

Andrew sees Adam first, and skips over to him, "Steven, I just wanted to say that-"

Adam steps in front of him, "Andrew, I don't think now's the time-"

"Adam, you don't understand-" he says, trying to push his way to Steven, but Adam won't be moved, and he's getting pissed, he puts a hand on Andrew's chest. 

"Steven's having a fucking panic attack and I think you had something to do with it so back the fuck off," Adam says, his voice like steel, and Andrew stumbles back in surprise. 

"I wasn't-"

"I don't give a shit, back _off."_

Steven can't even look at Andrew, can't see the look on his face, the way his shoulders drop. 

There's some quiet but urgent words spoken out of earshot, but then Steven catches the end of it. 

"We can talk about this tomorrow when you guys are sober, okay?" Adam says, and Andrew seems to understand that, has gone quiet, but nods. 

"We'll meet you back at the hotel," Adam says, and it's so obviously a dismissal that when Steven looks up Andrew's gone. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The rest of that night and dealing with the aftermath which might lead to it's own issues (aka: dont throw rocks at glass houses).

  
_Take the pain_  
_Make it billboard big and swallow it for me_  
_Time capsule for the future_  
_Trust me, that's what I will be_

✟✟✟

Adam sat with Steven in the alley for a long time.

He was a bit stiff, but present, patting him on the knee in what was obviously intended to be a comforting manner and when Steven started shaking-partially from crying and partially cause when coming down from his panic attacks he sometimes got the chills-he heard the sound of shifting fabric and then Adam was putting his leather jacket around his shoulders and then he wrapped an arm around him, pulling him in. Steven cried against his shoulder until there was nothing left, and he felt Adam pull him tighter against himself.

The huge, enormous fear: the I've-ruined-everything-now-they'll-hate-me fear was dissipating, gradually, even in his fuzzy mind and now exhausted state. Finally, he quieted, his trembling stopped, and he shifted, getting comfortable against Adam's chest. His slowly sobering mind noticed how good Adam smelled, how strong he felt around him. He wondered if Adam was wearing cologne. 

After a time, Adam slowly pulled away, sitting in front of him, crouching on his heels, "You think you're ready to go back yet?" he asked gently, and Steven rubbed at his eyes, nodding.

"I'm going to call us an Uber, okay," he says and Steven nods again.

There's another pause and Steven watches as the glow of Adam's phone lights up his face, reflecting off his glasses as he orders them an uber. Adam has nice eyes, Steven thinks, and a nice beard. He was just so... _nice._

"It's on it's way," he says without looking up.

"You're a really good friend, Adam," Steven says seriously, and Adam looks up, offering him a little smile.

"I know how it is," he offers plainly, "The panic attacks, social anxiety, it can be...shit." Steven clears his throat, unsure if he's just being nice, unsure of how he's going to make it up to him, but then Adam leans in and his hand brushes against his ribs and Steven feels a thrill until he realizes he's reaching for something in the jacket he draped over his shoulders, searching his jacket pocket, and he takes out a little thing of pills, "I need this for most major social interactions, so don't feel like you need to apologize or thank me for doing stuff I wish someone would've done for me."

Steven nods, feeling that lump in his throat, and Adam gives him one of his little reassuring smiles before leaning back (in retrospect, to put the pills back in his jacket pocket) but Steven's hand goes up to his jaw, and he scratches at it, feels the coily texture and says, "Wow, your beard's getting kinda long now" and Adam just stares at him, not moving away and says "Yeah, it could probably use a trim" that's when Steven closes the gap and kisses him.

Adam is a lot beardier than Andrew is, but his lips are are soft and his auburn hair is thick and almost silky when Steven's hand tangles in it, and he hears Adam breathe in sharply through his nose but he also feels Adam _kiss him back._

His tongue traces the seam of Adam's lips and Adam lets him slip it into his mouth. 

He tastes like smoke and whatever dark drink he'd been having earlier, and Steven slots his mouth against him to try a little more.

As abruptly as it started he feels Adam pull back-but not before leaving a few closed mouth kisses against his mouth.

"Shit," Adam says quietly, " _Shit."_

✟✟✟

The ride back to the hotel is quiet: neither of them say anything until they're almost there. 

"You can't..." Adam starts, but then goes quiet again. 

"Can't what," Steven says, but that nagging feeling in his stomach suspects he knows. 

"You can't just...kiss your friends when you're drunk like that," Adam says finally. "It's..."

Steven sees Adam lick his lips, he's maybe leaning in a bit too close.

"You're drunk, Stevie." 

But he doesn't sound mad. 

"You're the one...you guys are the ones who wanted me to be drunk," Steven stabs wildly, pointing his finger in Adam's bicep. "You...you guys wanted me to be more fun, to have more fun, I'm having more fun! I..." 

"Really," Adam says flatly, "Because we spent almost an hour back there, were you having fun?" 

Steven colors. "That's...I don't know. I don't...I didn't feel bad, I didn't feel bad until _Andrew_ said-"

"He said you can't kiss him when you're drunk, Steven," Adam says, and he looks like he has a headache. "It's your first time drinking like this, you got way more drunk than us, it's not fair to you _or to us_ to...."

Steven felt his heart sink but Adam takes his hand, makes him look at him, "I'm not mad at you, but this is important for you to understand." 

They get to their hotel and he leads him to his room. It looks like he's getting the single this time. Adam steels himself before he says one more parting piece of wisdom, leaning in the doorway of his hotel room, "And I'm not Andrew, either, maybe remember that, too." 

✟✟✟

Somehow Steven falls asleep. 

When he's sleeping he dreams. He dreams that he's back on the dancefloor with strong arms wrapped around his waist like the night before, but this time Adam's there too. He dreams of bristly kisses and smooth jaws pressing lips against his nape. 

When he wakes, it's to the worst headache he's had in his life.

"Oh my god," he groans. 

So this was the dreaded Hangover. 

With it, like so much tv and so many sermons had warned him, came regret. 

The details were fuzzy, especially after that dream. 

How much of it was real? 

How much of it did he want to be real?

Next to his pile of discarded clothes was a leather jacket that was a size too large for him. The vision in the alley came back to him, in pieces. 

Maybe he should just stay in bed all day. Maybe no one would notice. 

There was a knock at the door. 

Steven groaned, but got up all the same. He opened it and saw Adam holding out a coffee out for him. It was hard not to notice every little detail about Adam now after last night. What was different about him today?

"Morning," Adam said, and Steven suddenly realized he was just wearing a t-shirt and tighty-whities. 

"Morning," he said in return, taking the coffee but hiding himself half-behind his door. He took a sip. It was as creamy and sweet as he liked it. "Thanks."

Adam nodded, and that's when he makes the connection, staring at his now more-defined looking jaw. 

"You trimmed your beard," Steven says, snapping his fingers as he gets it, and he's surprised when he sees Adam blush, giving him that deer-in-the-headlights look he's so good at it.

"I did."

"It looks...good." 

Adam swallows. "Thanks." 

There's a moment where neither of them know what to say, but suddenly Adam seems to remember why he came over in the first place. 

"Sorry, but...I was kind of hoping I could have my jacket back," Adam said looking awkward, and Steven stood up straighter, forgetting his faux-pax. "Oh! Sorry." 

He raced over to grab it and gave it back to Adam who folded the leather jacket over his arm, rifling in it, before pulling out the pill bottle which he shook, with a little smile on his face, like a little reminder to them both of what they shared, before popping it open and taking one with a sip of his own coffee and a grimace. 

"Um, there's like...a continental breakfast going on downstairs. Andrew's already waiting, when you're ready," Adam told him and Steven steeled himself with a little nod. "Okay." 

Adam made to leave then turned on his heel to say, "It's not the walk of shame, Steven, it's going to be okay." 

Steven let out a nervous huff of laughter. "If you say so." 

Adam gave him an encouraging smile, "I say so." 

✟✟✟

After a cup of coffee and a scalding hot shower, Steven dressed as quickly as possible and skipped downstairs to face the day, his bad decisions, and Andrew.

Andrew was sitting at the table with a muffin and a contemplative expression on his face, talking to Adam.

The moment his green eyes met his Steven felt his face burn and he almost tripped over his own two feet. He had to get himself together or they were never going to be able to film today. 

Blindly he filled up a bowl of lucky charms and grabbed an orange, before sitting himself in front of the Adam with Andrew on the end of the table. 

"Hi," he said meekly. 

"Hello," Andrew said, and his often-impassive face looked painfully sympathetic. How on earth was he going to survive this morning? 

"How's the hangover going?" Andrew asks, and his beautiful face is so so kind Steven can't look at it for too long or it hurts his eyes. 

"Ugh," is all he says and it makes Andrew laugh a little. 

"I'll survive," he promises and they all smile a little at that. 

"So I was thinking the best thing we can do is just...ignore what happened last night," Steven said in a forced cheery tone as he poured his little milk carton into his cereal. "Say I was a little drunk, a little stupid, and move on." 

He could see Andrew and Adam share a look that he pointedly ignored as he dug into his charms, taking a crunchy bite. Usually this is when Andrew would tell him he was eating kid's cereal, or Adam might call him out for eating crap when the other day they'd literally eaten gold. Nobody was picking on him this morning, and he wasn't sure he liked it. 

"If that's what you want to do," Andrew said softly and Steven's stomach churned.

"Yeah," he said, and he got two quiet "Okays" which just made him all the more confused.

What other option was there?

✟✟✟

Somehow they were able to finish the cheesecake episode with some semblance of normalcy and decent friendly banter between them. 

It was all he could ask for.

Sadly, New York had lost it's charm for Steven, and by the time they were on the plane ride back home he was quite frankly relieved to say goodbye to Andrew and Adam and enter the solace of his own apartment. 

He didn't really know how to be anything other than alone.

✟✟✟

Even if Andrew gave him pitying looks now and again, they were able to move on as friends and put the whole make-out thing behind them in time to film a buffet episode without any hitches. It seemed like everything was going to be fine. 

Or at least it did until the Cocktail episode. 

✟✟✟

Steven hadn't been drunk since that fateful night, and he knew that just by sheer amount of drinks he was taking combined with his embarassingly low alcohol tolerance they might end up in another awkward spot. 

He just didn't know how awkward. 

Drinking and filming actually went fine. They had a relatively good time. He wasn't a big fan of alcohol in general, but as he'd discovered, cocktails could be pretty good. 

"God that's sweet," Andrew said about the one drink he liked and Steven couldn't help but immediately flash back to the night club in NY. He had to look away, missing the way Andrew's hand tightened on the glass at his own memories. 

Maybe he got a little extra flirty when he lost his inhibitions drinking, but that didn't appear to be the problem. 

✟✟✟

No, it wasn't until they were all back at his place, just past tipsy (though Adam had a beer and Andrew was on his second) planning on watching a movie marathon (or maybe doing drunk commentary on some of their old stuff for the Gram) when it came up.

Steven stumbled as he set up the Apple TV, and Adam steadied him with a hand around his shoulders. Andrew chuckled, but there was an odd look on his face. "Watch out, drunk Steven might try to kiss you," he said in a sing-songy voice, and Steven felt his stomach flop. "What?"

"I'm jus' saying," Andrew said, lifting his beer to his lips, "It's happened before." 

Steven blushed. He could hardly believe Adam had told him that he'd kissed him and couldn't imagine what Andrew thought of him because of it.

Still, he had to defend himself. "Look, that was one time."

"I know." 

"Adam already talked to me about it."

"Did he?"

Adam was gripping his shoulders a bit tightly, but finally let go, "Yeah, I did," he said in a voice that sounded forcibly casual.

"What a good friend." Andrew smiled but there wasn't much kind about it. "I'm glad you can trust Adam, that's nice." 

Steven's mouth dropped, "That's not fair, I-I...I trust you!"

Andrew looked away, "Okay." 

"I mean...I-I kissed _both of you_ , that means something-"

Glass shattered and Steven jumped. Andrew had dropped-not thrown as it might have seemed but dropped- his beer bottle and it had exploded all over his hardwood floor.

But that's not what got him as much as the look on Andrew's face. Andrew looked stunned. Bowled over. Betrayed.

_"What?"_

Steven swallowed, looked to Adam for support but Adam's eyes were wide as saucers and he was looking at Steven like he could not believe he'd just said that. 

Apparently, Adam hadn't told him he'd kissed him after all. 

"When?" Andrew was standing up, his feet dangerously close to the broken glass as he stepped close to him, shoulders back, eyes fiery.

"When did you kiss him? When? That night? That _same night_?"  

He got in his face and Steven froze.

Adam pushed Steven behind him, putting a hand up to stop Andrew from coming any closer, "Andrew," he began in a warning voice, "you're drunk." 

"No, _fuck you,_ man," Andrew said, his confusion now switching over to vitriol,  "You...you _sent me away_ so you could _prey on him_ like, like some kind of-" 

It all happened so fast.

Adam socked him, square in the jaw and suddenly they were fighting. 

Not play-fighting, like they sometimes did on camera, but hitting-to-hurt, all-out drunken brawling.  

"Stop it!" Steven cried out. "Please!" 

But Andrew had shoved Adam on the ground and had hit him so hard his glasses flew off. He was now wrestling him over-rolling close-so close-to the glass.

"Stop it! You're going to get hurt! Please!" he was nearly in tears, but it was like they couldn't hear him, and Steven had to snap into action. 

He stood in front of the glass so they couldn't get past his legs, before saying fuck it and crouching over it to pick it up, shard by shard, and then Andrew was shoved off Adam, and he fell back into Steven who stumbled into the little pile he had been making.

Steven cried out in agony and abruptly the dueling boys froze, turning to see Steven fall over on his back, shards of glass protruding from bloody palms and his now-ripped jean-covered knees. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I blame all of you for loving Adam so much #isthiswhatyouwant #pleasedontyellatmestevenwillbeaok
> 
>  
> 
> Also lemme know what team y'all are on (including if you're team ot3)
> 
> (If team Jacobellard was a thing in Twilight wouldn't everyone have been more happy? #reallymakesyouthink #Idontknowwhatallthehashtagsabouteithersorry)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dealing with the aftermath of the fight and their wounds.

_And if death is the last appointment_

_Then we're all just sitting in the waiting room_

_I am just a human trying to avoid my certain doom_

✟✟✟

Time slowed for that agonizing, stunned moment when Steven had rolled over onto the glass, his face contorted in pain as he fell back, drawing the attention of Andrew and Adam out of their drunken fight.

Steven let out a pained cry, and suddenly time sped up again.

"Steven, oh god, Steven," Andrew was hovering over him anxiously, and he saw Adam come over from behind him, and suddenly there were two strong arms scooping him up and he was carried against Adam's chest into the bright-lights of his kitchen.

"Boil some water," Adam was saying, and even in his pained state Steven noticed his glasses were on crooked and there was some discoloring around the skin around his eye. Distantly he wondered if Andrew broke them as Andrew put water in an electric kettle and flipped the switch.

Adam found a clear spot on the kitchen counter top and placed Steven there so he could lean back against it, his face scrunched up as he tried not to cry. 

While the water was boiling Andrew fluttered uncertainly nearby, "S-should I call 911?" He had a split lip himself, but it was like he didn't feel it with how concerned he looked at Steven's wellbeing. 

Adam shook his head, "I don't think we'll need to."

With a wet paper towel, Adam took the first pieces of glass out of his leg while Steven tried not to look so it wouldn't add to his panic in these moments.  

"I'm sorry," Adam said softly, "I'm sure this hurts." 

Steven nodded and one tear went down his cheek, "That's okay," he whispered. He accidentally made eye contact with Andrew then who still looked stricken and he had to look away. 

Adam took each fragment of glass out of Steven's skin, piece by piece, laying it on the opposite counter while Steven stayed as still as possible, trying not to make too much noise or cry.

"Andrew can you get like, a paper bag and start wrapping these up?" 

Dumbly, Andrew followed his directions so they prevented any further accidents from happening until every shard was out except the last few pieces. 

"Do you have a first aid kit?" 

Steven nodded. He'd turned a bit pale from the incident but he'd stopped shaking and the cuts were shallow enough that there wasn't much blood loss-thank god. "On the fridge." 

Andrew handed it to Adam who took out the pair of tweezers that were necessary for the smallest pieces of glass that were sticking in his palms right now.

Immediately, Adam saw a flaw with this plan. 

His glasses, aside from being bent and almost broken, were smudged, making detail work difficult.

"Drew, you're going to need to do this part," he said, and Andrew took the tweezers from him, a somber seriousness at the duty he'd been given settling in over his countenance, settling his fluttering nerves so he could help Steven out. 

The light in the kitchen was decent, but could've been better recently, as Andrew held Steven's wrist in his hand, peering close at his palm to look for the tiniest pieces that had gotten into his skin. 

"There's one," he murmured, and, as delicately as he could, he took it out with the tweezers. Steven made a quiet hissing sound when he did, and Andrew looked up, his brow furrowed with concern and concentration. "Sorry, Stevie." 

Steven shook his head, but didn't say anything. There was a lump in his throat. 

"It's kind of hard to-" 

Adam stood behind him and suddenly there was more light: it was emanating from the flashlight on Adam's phone.

"Thanks." 

"Sure." 

Five more quiet, serious minutes of Andrew searching his hands, and then they were cleared. Adam cleaned them with antiseptic wipes from the first aid kit while Andrew got bandages for the worse cuts.

As they were finishing with the bandages, Andrew seemed to piece together the next problem at the same time Adam did.

Neither of them seemed to want to be the first to vocalize it but finally Andrew did: "We're uh, we're going to need to clean your legs next." 

Steven hesitated: he could have said no, that he'd do it, but instead he undid his belt buckle-the sound loud in the otherwise stiffilingly quiet kitchen. Adam looked away to give him privacy but it took Andrew a moment longer to snap out of it, just as Steven was beginning to shimmy out of his jeans he turned away. 

There was the sound of two shoes being kicked off as they hit the tile floor, and then the _shook_ sound of jeans puddling after it. 

Steven felt small and uncertain when they turned around again, all long, folded limbs and miles and miles of tan skin interrupted by grey socks, black boxer briefs, and a wrinkled looking blue t-shirt. 

Andrew stared, unabashedly now, before the spots of red and pink on his legs finally registered, and Steven felt his face flush knowing that this was not the way he had wanted either of them to see him in for the first time in this state of undress. 

"Want to make sure there aren't any, like, fragmentary pieces?" Adam's voice cut through the tension, and Andrew snapped into action going back to check Steven's leg, cupping it just under the calf to examine them closer, first the left, than the right. "No, we're good. I think the jeans got the worst of it."

When Andrew's eyes flickered back up to Steven's he turned a quiet pink, though it could have been from relief. 

"Phew," was all he said, and Andrew shot him a similarly awkward smile. The pain was still very much present, but so was the feeling of Andrew's hands, wrapped around his legs.

There was the sound of water going into a bowl and a squirt of soap and then Adam was very gently asserting himself in between Steven's legs on his knees, cleaning off the already drying bits of blood as carefully as he could. 

Steven felt his breath catch with the position Adam was in now: as he leaned in his curly hair brushed against the inside of his thigh. 

He had forgotten that Andrew was still there, loosely holding one of his legs until he felt him squeeze it, a sudden pressure of his thumb and forefingers. 

Steven's eyes went back to Andrew but he was staring at Adam with his intense green eyes, seemingly oblivious to Steven's inquiring look. 

"I think that'll do it," Adam said, and Steven's attention flickered back to him, and he felt his face heat. "Right. Thank you." 

Adam's pretty brown eyes were somewhat mottled by a light greenish color that had begun to manifest around the nose and under his right eye.

Andrew had done that to him, Steven reminded himself-but when he looked back at Andrew, saw the split lip, the bruised cheek, he knew Adam had done that to him too. 

A couple more bandaids were carefully applied to his legs and then he was pronounced finished. The shamed-looking boys seemed to suddenly uncertain of what to do. 

"C'mere, let me see you guys now." 

Adam hesitated but Andrew initially flat-out refused: "Thats okay, really-" 

 _"Drew."_  

Steven wanted to be mad at Andrew, he really did, but it was hard to be angry when Andrew was giving him _that look_ the whole time he cleaned his face. It was so sweet, so yearning and uncertain. 

His finger ran along the seam of Andrew's mouth as he inspected the split, which had to hurt like hell, but Andrew leaned into his touch.  

"Here," Adam said gruffly, and there was a paper towel full of ice handed to him. 

"Oh, right, thank you," Steven said as he snapped out of it, and he helped Andrew apply it as carefully as he could. When he turned back to Adam, Adam was leaning against the opposite counter, a bag of frozen peas pressed over his eye and nose-his glasses hung around the neck of his t-shirt. 

Steven felt a stab of guilt for not taking care of him, too, and carefully dismounted off the counter, almost wobbling over his own discarded shoes-Andrew steadied him with a hand around his arm, before he was able to make it to Adam. 

"Does it hurt a lot?" he asked nervously, and Adam shook his head. 

"Could use ibuprofen, though," he said, before cutting his eyes at Andrew standing behind Steven. "Also, maybe a new pair of glasses." 

"Shit," Andrew said quietly, and Steven looked between the two of them—neither man was looking at the other, both were looking at the ground, neither voicing anything that really needed to be said—and suddenly burst into tears. 

He didn't mean to: he really, _really_ didn't mean to. The sudden attention was horrifying, actually, but he once he finally started he found he couldn't stop. 

Adam reached for him at the same time Andrew did but Steven put his hands up—stopping them both.

"You-you-you guys are so _stupid!_ " he gasped and they looked stunned.

"What?" Andrew asked, looking like he wasn't sure he heard him properly. 

"I-I-I can't stand this, you guys fighting," he sobbed into his bandaged hands, "It's my fault, I-I-don't want you guys to fight, this wasn't supposed to happen."

He was going to get his bandages all wet and ruined but he didn't care. 

Suddenly there were firm hands pulling his away gently from his face, looped around his wrists, "You're half right," Andrew said firmly, "We shouldn't be fighting, but it's not your fault, it's _my_ fault-"

"No, no, I punched you first-" Adam began but they both paused when they saw Steven, and Andrew let go of his wrists, looking at a loss. 

Steven's shoulders were shaking and he looked so soft and miserable that Adam couldn't let himself fall into the trap of fighting over blame. 

 Adam wrapped his arm around him, and Steven burrowed into his chest, crying while Andrew stood nearby looking like he'd been socked in the gut.

"Maybe I should go," Andrew said in a quiet voice, but Steven let out a frustrated, emotional, _"Get over here,"_ and Andrew suddenly was back in his space, trying to find a space to slot himself into this...hug...situation.

He met eyes with Adam who had one eye almost sealed shut, and it was his fault, but Adam just lifted an arm to welcome him in and that's how Steven, Andrew and Adam ended up standing in Steven's kitchen, holding tightly to one another, broken, bruised but not quite beaten, a little after midnight. 

 ✟✟✟

Filming has to be put on standby for a couple of weeks while they heal.

Adam takes the longest to heal, and while technically they could have started the next episode before he's completely finished neither Andrew nor Steven think it fair to Adam. Even if he only has short cameos in the actual episode, people love him, and they would probably notice the now purplish-pink mark around Adam's eye.

The people around the office however, absolutely do notice. 

"Holy shit, did you guys join a fight club?" Ryan Bergara asks him when Steven sits at his desk the next day. His hands are a bit bandaged up, he'll admit, but it's the added presence of Andrew's lip and Adam's eye that really complete the picture. Both Adam and Andrew are back with Tasty for the rest of the week, but both had walked through the main office first thing this morning so Steven's left to make their excuses for them. 

"And if so, can we sign Ryan up? He needs to let out some of his aggression," Shane Madej intones from his desk, taking his headphones off and smiling innocently at them. 

"Hey, if I join a fight club you're coming with me, big guy," Ryan says like it's a threat—and not at all like Shane would be his security blanket in this hypothetical scenario. 

They're so caught up in their own world of witty banter that Steven thinks he might get away without providing an explanation until Ryan turns back to him, face looking a little more concerned as he seems to remember his original query. "But seriously, did you guys get jumped?"

"Try to leave a fancy restaurant without paying? Leave a bad review?" Shane adds unhelpfully and Ryan shoves Shane's rolling chair away from him, though the taller man only comes kicking his chair back into his space in two big pushes. 

"Sorry about my insensitive colleague," Ryan says, like Shane isn't leaning over his shoulder right now.

Steven gives him a little nervous smile. After the events of last night, Steven had set up a bunch of blankets and let them take the couch and a sleeping bag, respectively, in his living room, and then they'd all cleaned up as best as they could, got coffee and tried to come up with their best cover story.

"Moving accident."

"Moving accident?" Shane echoes dubiously and even Ryan's brow is furrowed like he's trying to figure out how exactly that worked.

"Um. Yeah," Steven's voice is high like it is when he's lying but he keeps going, "We uh, I had a new piece of furniture, a-a-bookshelf and these guys came over last night to help me move it and it got away from us." 

"They came over after a shoot to help you move furniture," Ryan repeated after him, and Shane suddenly snickered. 

"I mean, okay," Ryan said, suddenly catching onto why Shane was snickering and trying not to smile himself, "I mean, whatever you guys do after work is your business..." 

"And we were a little drunk!" Steven blurts out, louder than he meant to, drawing attention from other people around the room who look their way before turning back to their monitors. 

Steven is blushing while Shane is still smiling at him in that indulgent, 'sure you did' sort of way. Ryan, on the other hand, seems to give him the benefit of the doubt. 

"Moving furniture at night while you're drunk...sounds like a recipe for disaster." 

"No kidding," Steven agrees, relieved he's buying it, and Ryan shakes his head at him as he puts his headphones back on. 

Shane on the other hand is still scrutinizing him. 

"So, you hurt your hands, but...this furniture, the uh, shelf, it managed to get Adam here, pretty damn well in the eye at the same time it got Andrew in the mouth and cheek." 

Steven felt his face burn. _Liar, liar, pants on fire._

"Well, not at the same time." 

"Uh-huh," Shane says, and he gives Steven a once over as he snaps his own headphones on back over his ears, "That's...quite a shelf. Maybe ghosts were involved." 

Ryan lifts one earphone up like he's been summoned, "What did you just say?"

"I said, maybe Steven should be on Unsolved. He's great with stories." 

Steven feels mortified, and Ryan looks between the two of them, "Did I miss something?"

"Nope," Shane says, and he winks at Steven, "Just talking about doing that Worth it/Unsolved crossover eventually." 

"Does that mean we can be fancy boys?" Ryan asks with a wide grin, and Shane gives him a mischievous look, "In our heart of hearts, we've been fancy boys all along."

Steven laughs along with them, but secretly, he's relieved that the focus as been pushed off himself. This was going to be a long couple of weeks. 

✟✟✟

Sometime during the second second week of healing when Adam's eye is looking considerably better, Steven ends up in the breakroom where Ryan is talking with Daysha about work relationships.

Steven tries and fails not to eavesdrop as he pours milk into his coffee, stirring it more slowly than he usually would, giving the allusion of distraction while his ear is pricked towards where they're sitting only 8 feet away.  

"Work relationships can work out," Ryan's saying, apparently on the pro-work relationships side, and Steven can't allow himself to wonder why he's as invested as he is. "And like, sometimes they're not even really...relationships," he continues defensively, "sometimes it's you know...just fun." 

There's a long pause that makes Steven turn around to see the sympathetic look on Daysha's face as she looks at Ryan. 

"Just be careful baby," is all Daysha says. Steven sees the uncertainty cross Ryan's features but their conversation promptly ends when Shane abruptly enters the room and winks at Ryan. Steven wonders if their situations aren't that far from being the same. 

✟✟✟

Steven barely sees either half of the _Worthage a Trois_ over the healing process aside from one of them popping by to see how his hands are doing (and really they were fine by day three) and each time they do the other man looks so awkward and uncomfortable the conversation only lasts a couple of minutes.

"Your glasses are fixed," Steven says when Adam visits him, and Adam smiles his one-eyed smile from behind his glasses. His eye isn't entirely shut, but it's better to keep it closed during the healing process.

"Yeah, Drew helped me pay for them," Adam says softly and Steven feels a pang of _something_ at that knowledge, "Oh, that's good." Adam nods, and then, sort of just, walks away...

To be fair, it's better than his few encounters with Andrew, who initially finds it hard to even look at him after that night. Steven wants to shake him, but that wouldn't do any good, so he just...lets him be. 

It's awkward but not completely ruined and by the time the next filming episode comes back around it's as though none of that had ever happened. 

It's for the best, Steven tells himself as the go to their last spot for the Eggs episode. The camaraderie is back, they're able to look each other in the eyes again (no pun intended for once) and move on with their lives. Maybe Daysha was right. If there's anything they've all learned it's that they're best as friends. 

✟✟✟

Nobody gets drunk this time, but when Steven goes home he downloads Tinder again. He spends the rest of his night in bed alone, his face illuminated by the bluish white light of his phone as his thumb swipes left and right. 

This time when he gets messaged, he messages boys back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heh heh oops


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven goes on a date with one of his Tinder matches but things don't exactly go as planned.

_My sanctuary, you're holy to me_

_If you were church, I'd get on my knees_

_I'd get on my knees_

✟✟✟

By Saturday, Steven has been chatting with three guys consistently but the guy he has the most chemistry with is a twenty-eight year old man named Tyler.

Tyler is 5’10, has brown swept-back hair and big brown eyes and a great smile. It doesn't hurt that his full-body shot also shows he’s fit as hell, either.

No, that doesn’t hurt at all.

What may hurt a little is the fact that Worth It is just becoming successful enough that he’s beginning to get recognized.

Some guys match with him just to ask questions about the show (or to try to get to Andrew or Adam) but he ignores them, and also ignores the way it makes his heart quicken at the thought that someone might post about seeing him on this site.

So far so good, though. He doesn’t have anything incriminating on his own profile, not so much as a shirtless pic.

The only incriminating feature would be his preference for men.

✟✟✟

Of course after talking to Tyler for almost eight hours straight it happens:

_[JustGiveMeATy]: I was showing my buddy a picture of yours and she said you’re famous??_

_[StevenwithanN]: What??? Oh god._

_[JustGimeMeATy]: From some cooking show??_

_[StevenwithanN]:....sort of true. It’s not a cooking show, though, we try food and rate it._

_[JustGiveMeATy]: Give it to me straight, Steven...am I being catfished?_

_[StevenwithanN]: hahaha. I love the idea that I’m famous enough to be used to catfish other people. I mean, I’m only remotely famous online._

_[JustGiveMeATy]: :) Famous or not, it makes sense to me._

_[JustGivemeaTy]: Using the picture and personality of someone like you would be a great way to reel us unsuspecting dates out here._

_[StevenwithanN]: You’re funny. ^.^_

_[JustGiveMeaTy]: I’m serious. Who wouldn't want to date you?_

So maybe he was a little charming too.

✟✟✟

That might be why Steven finds himself agreeing to actually going out with Tyler the following afternoon.

It’s a totally innocuous location: a local coffee shop at around two in the afternoon. What’s the harm?

Apparently a lot.

Steven is freaked all morning. He does his hair the way the lady showed him to do and puts on an outfit he got when he was made over, and even contemplates putting on eyeliner for about five seconds before he chickens out. That might be too much.

He gets to the cafe fifteen minutes early and jostles his leg so much the table starts to shake. He forces himself to stop.

Tyler gets there ten minutes later. He’s wearing a smart navy button up that brings out the color of his eyes, and a wide smile.

“Steven! You’re real!” are the first words out of his mouth.

Steven giggles nervously and stands to greet him, hesitating about whether or not to bring him into a hug as he says,“Yeah, I’m real,” but Tyler solves the problem and pulls him into his arms.

He’s just the right height for Steven to rest his chin on his shoulder, and Steven gets a thrill at the scent of his cologne and the feel of his arm squeezing his back.

"I'm just realizing," Tyler says, chattering away as he pulls back, bouncing back and forth on his heels, and Steven gets a thrill as he realizes Tyler might be somewhere in the range of as nervous as he feels. It's flattering and very sweet. "—that you do, like, food and drinks and stuff all the time, like, quality stuff, so I hope this place is okay-"

"No, no-" Steven assures him, "I like this place! I come here on my coworkers sometimes." 

Tyler looks relieved. "Well, if you're familiar with the place, what's good here?"

Steven smiles while he considers that. "They have great matcha lattes." 

Tyler's eyes dance, "Two matcha lattes coming up. Why don't you find us a table?" 

Beaming, Steven goes to find a table. It's not very full for a Sunday afternoon though he usually comes here on work breaks, so he's not that familiar with the weekend crowd. Tyler is cute, and Steven allows himself to get excited for this. 

First dates can be awkward, he knows, but this is going a lot better than he thought it would. 

What can possibly go wrong?

The cute little bell over the door jingles, and Steven looks up in time to see Andrew Ilnyckyj enter the cafe.

✟✟✟

There's no time for him to hide. Andrew sees him first and it's all over.

Steven wants to sink into his chair, because Andrew is coming over to him now. 

"Steven," he says in that low baritone of his. "Hello." He looks less awkward or pained at seeing him now, but Steven wishes he'd leave before Tyler came back. He can see Tyler waiting at the coffee counter for their drinks, talking cheerfully with the barista, but that won't last long.

"Andrew," he replies with forced cheeriness. "Hi."

 Andrew must be able to tell something is off because he immediately looks a little unsure. "Hope I'm not disrupting your weekend," he says with some much gravitas it would be adorable if Steven wasn't already worried about any potential disruptions. 

"N-no," Steven lies in a high-pitched clearly-lying voice, but before Andrew can even begin to lay into him with questions, Tyler arrives with a tray, their matcha lattes, and some flaky pastries which he places carefully on the table in front of him. 

"Scuse me," Tyler says politely as he bends slightly over Andrew to do it before looking back, between Steven and Andrew (who is beginning to look a little confused). "Hey, everything good?" Tyler asks before suddenly he lets out an, "Oh! You're Andrew!"

Andrew's mouth quirks only slightly, "Uh. Yes?"

"Sorry," Tyler gushes, "It's just...I recognized you from the show."

"Oh! You've seen it!" Steven says in surprise and Tyler grins over at him, "I sort of binged it when we were done talking last night. It's really good." 

Steven blushes. "Oh. Good."

Andrew looks...suspiciously stoic as he says, "Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt-"

"Oh, don't even worry about it," Tyler says with a friendly wave. "I think I know what this is about, anyway."

Steven's heart leaps to his throat, but Andrew's expression remains the same. "What?"

"You're checking in, making sure I'm not a serial killer or something!" Tyler says with a knowing grin. "Believe me, I get it. Tinder can be a sketchy place."

Andrew blinks. Steven's head swims-it's every nightmare he's had come to life but Tyler goes on, oblivious, "It's really sweet he has a friend like you to look out for him."

Steven sinks into his seat, mortified, but Andrew doesn't look disgusted or pissed off. In fact, he plays along.

"So. You're not a serial killer?" Andrew asks in his serious voice and Tyler laughs. "No, I can solemnly swear that I am not a serial killer. Unless you count Trix, Wheaties or Captain Crunch, which makes me a cereal killer," He puts three fingers together in salute. "Scouts honor."

Andrew mimics the gesture with no small amount of sarcasm, "Great. Good to hear."  He clasps Steven on the arm and Steven just manages not to flinch.

"Well, I think my work here is done. I'm just going to..." he points backwards with his thumb, and Tyler grins and waves. "See ya!"

Steven might have managed to croak out a 'Bye' but he's not entirely sure. His eyes are unable to leave Andrew's back as he leaves the cafe, going out to his car without purchasing anything. Fuck.

"You okay?" Tyler asks him, shaking him out of his reverie. His big brown eyes look concerned. "I'm sorry, did I embarrass you in front of your friend?"

Steven clears his throat and tries not to allow the acid in his stomach to rise with his nerves. "Sorry. I..." he shakes his head. "Andrew didn't know he was going to see me here today."

Tyler's eyes widen. "Oh, seriously?" 

Steven nods, but tries his best to shrug it off. "So, it was a little awkward, but not-"

"Oh, Jesus, is he your ex?"

Steven freezes.

"I mean, my friend was saying-" Tyler looks uncomfortable as he lifts his own matcha tea to his lips, "Well, she was saying you guys had all this chemistry, and I saw the show and I can see what she means."

Steven swallows, and swallows again. "I...not exactly."

Tyler waits, patiently.

"He's...he's my best friend," Steven says thickly, and then he's tearing up in the middle of a coffee shop, and Tyler is grabbing his hand from across the table in two warm palms and saying, "Oh, no, Steven I'm so sorry." 

Steven wipes at his eyes with a napkin, forcing himself to calm down before he can spiral into a panic attack. "God, this is...so embarrassing." 

When he looks at Tyler, Tyler doesn't look uncomfortable or upset, he looks all-too understanding. "Look, Steven, you don't have to tell me anything you don't want to," Tyler says gently. "We can just...have our tea, hang out, and you can decide if you want anything more than that. Low stakes. Would you like that?"

Steven nods, trying not to tear up again as he says, "I would."

✟✟✟

Things get a little less awkward from there. 

They drink their tea, and Tyler is so, so generously pretending not to notice when Steven needs to take a moment to gather himself, and then things are, for the most part, fine. 

"So what's the deal with the cameraman?" Tyler asks curiously, leaning in. "I know he has like, his own fanbase or whatever, because he's like 'mysterious' or a 'cinnamon roll' or something, whatever that means," and Steven has to laugh.

"He's my other best friend," Steven says, and his heart warms with the truth of it. "He prefers being behind the scenes and he's really, really good at it."

Tyler nods, then gets a conspiratorial look on his face. "So is he gay, straight, or what?" 

Steven almost chokes on his tea. "Um."

"I mean, I guessed Andrew is gay, but I don't know about him-"

"I don't-I think Andrew is..bisexual." Maybe. But whatever he was, he wasn't into Steven. 

"Oh," Tyler says with a nod, "I could see that. I'm bi, too."

He seems to be waiting for Steven to answer. He licks his lips.

"I'm gay," he says for the first time, and his voice wavers as he voices it aloud. If he was expecting the cafe to come crashing around his ears, it doesn't. Tyler just smiles at him. To him, it's not a problem. It's not even a surprise. It's...normal.  

"But, I have no idea what Adam is."

He remembers the kiss, distantly, but it was so brief. For all he knows Adam tolerated it.

Instead of going down that road, he forces himself to stay in the moment. 

"Why, you hoping to move around the _Worthage a Trois?_ " Steven teases Tyler back, and Tyler bursts out laughing. 

"You got me, Steven. I'm only dating you so I can date them too." Tyler gets a mischievous look in his eyes, "Gotta test y'all out. See which one of you is most worth it at it's price."

Steven lets out a loud whoop of laughter that echoes throughout the cafe. "Wait, which of us is the high-priced date??" he has to know and Tyler just winks at him.

"I thought you were the fancy boy," he teases him and Steven laughs. Maybe things aren't so bad.

✟✟✟

By the end of their date, Steven is reluctant to go—no longer itching to run away like he was before. Tyler walks him to his car as the sun is setting. 

If he wanted to, he could invite Tyler over for dinner. He hesitates as he considers it. 

"This was really fun," Tyler says happily and Steven nods in agreement. "It was."

A warm hand rests against the space between his neck and shoulder as Tyler presses himself up on his toes to leave a lingering kiss on his cheek.

Tyler steps back, smiling and a little bashful, even as Steven blushes to his ears. 

"Look, I don't know what's going on with you and Andrew or...whatever," Tyler says and Steven feels his heart clench for a drastically different reason than it was before.

Tyler must see the stricken look on Steven's face because he says, "I know it's scary, but you are braver than you think you are. If it's worth it you, you'll find a way."

Steven thinks he might cry again but Tyler is quick to say, "But I'm not in a rush. You can figure it out, and let me know. Okay?"

Steven nods wordlessly, trying not to look as dejected as he suddenly feels. 

Tyler hesitates and then pulls him in for a quick, fortifying squeeze. "It's gonna work out. Whatever is meant to be, will be."

"Thank you," Steven whispers and Tyler squeezes him again before stepping back. 

"If it doesn't work out with them, give me a call, okay?"

Steven manages a smile. "Deal."

Tyler winks at him, giving him finger guns he begins to walk back towards his car, "I'll hold you to that, Steven Lim. Have a wonderful night!"

As Steven gets back into his car, face and heart warm with the light of Tyler's heart, he thinks for a moment that maybe he could just go with Tyler. It seems so much easier than the mess that is Andrew and Adam right now.

At the same time, it wouldn't be fair to Tyler to start a relationship while he's hung up on anyone else.

Steven groans and runs his hands over his face.  

Nothing has been so terrifying as this. 

He gets out his phone to check the time (5:47) and drafts a text. 

_[To: Adam Bianchi; Andrew Ilnyckyj]: Dinner tonight?_

Why is he freaking out so much? All he wants to do is apologize for his actions, admit he's been attracted to them, get some closure and have the chance to move on. They're friends, neither of them are interested in him which makes it easier to do it this way-2 birds one stone-it's not a date. 

 _It could be,_ Tyler's voice promises in his ear. They both had quite literally fought over him, or his supposed honor or something. Maybe...there was something there.

What if...what if they both like him and he has to choose between them? What if they fight again?

Steven lets out a sharp inhale from his nose.

There's only one way to find out.

He's braver than he thinks, he reminds himself, and presses send. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks everyone for your patience and support! I'm on spring break now, so I hope to continue to write more soon. 
> 
>  
> 
> (Tyler may be Tyler Williams, shhh....also dont feel bad, this means he'll meet Safiya soon ;) )


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for the Worthage a Trois to have a little talk.
> 
> [Song lyrics now updated to the next track on the Mania album: Heaven's Gate]

_One look from you_  
_And I'm on that faded love_  
_Out of my body_  
_And flying above_

✟✟✟

Steven's only been sitting in his car for about five minutes-five long, agonizing minutes-before he gets the first text back.

_Adam Bianchi: Sounds good. When and where?_

Steven takes a moment before he replies:  _Anywhere. Do you guys want to go out?_

There's a long pause, and Steven feels his face heat. It's not completely out of character to ask that question: going out or dining in?

Adam replies again: _Wurstküche?_

Steven has to smile. That was, what, their second episode together? Something like that. 

Finally Andrew responds: _That's the wurst idea you've ever had. I'm in._

Steven feels a sigh of relief at knowing Andrew still wants to see him after this afternoon. 

_Steven: Wurstküche it is. Is now too soon?_

_Andrew: It's never too soon for hotdogs._

_Adam: See you there._

And that's that. 

✟✟✟

Steven gets there first. The picnic-indoors table setup is nice, if not the most private space on earth, but although its a Sunday night its not wildly busy. Andrew is the second one to arrive, much to Steven's stomach's remorse, because it begins churning the moment he sees him.

"Hi," Steven says shyly when Andrew seats himself across from him at the table. 

"Hey," Andrew says, shrugging out of his jacket, and setting it to the side. Steven's eyes are immediately drawn to the skin just below the t-shirt sleeves and how it hugs his biceps, but he quickly schools his gaze to look back at Andrew's face.

"Good afternoon?" Andrew asks him, and his face is sort of inscrutable, and Steven feels his face heat. He knows he has some explaining to do. 

"Yeah," Steven begins instinctively, before shaking his head, "Actually, Drew," Steven starts to say, but then there's a presence behind him and he turns to see Adam has arrived. 

"Hi," Adam says in his soft voice, and he joins them, sitting next to Drew. He takes off his leather jacket, and Steven is suddenly viscerally reminded of Adam lending him his jacket that night. Adam catches him staring, and Steven is quick to look away, heart pounding, only to find himself trapped in Andrew's gaze. 

How did he ever get into this mess? 

Before anything weirder can happen, their server comes up to them then, and takes their orders, and soon they all have beers in front of them, and hot dogs on the way. Its a good place for bros to hang out, Steven decides. A good, wide-open neutral space to talk.

"You got here just in time," Andrew says with what might be forced jocularity, "Steven was about to tell us about his date."

Steven feels a pang as Adam's brown eyes cut from Andrew to him, without any real change in expression, and he asks, "Oh. How was it?"

 "It was fine," Steven says, feeling both pairs of eyes on him and trying to relax. "I met a guy online."

Adam doesn't say anything, Andrew on the other hand, turns back to Adam and says, "He seemed nice. I ran into them today."

Adam hesitates before giving Drew an assessing look that almost shames Andrew, though not quite. "That's an interesting coincidence," Adam says quietly and Andrew suddenly sits straighter. 

"It is," he says, but before it can devolve into any sort of fight, their meals arrive, cutting through the building tension of the moment.

For a while its quite except for the sound of them chewing their 'dogs. Steven isn't sure if he was just starving, or if he's putting off telling them, but tension or no, they all share a piece of their own unique orders with one another, and once he's fairly successfully polished off his Filipino Maharlika dog he knows there's no escaping it now. 

"God," Andrew says in his satisfied deep voice, "there's nothing like a Hot Italian."

Steven dissolves into giggles, in spite of himself. "Oh yeah?"

Andrew heard how it sounded, but he's not backing down. "Yeah."

Still grinning, Steven points at Adam who is still chewing on the last of his Kielbasa dog. "Hey, we've got our own right here."

Adam just gives them a Look, while Andrew snorts. "Alright." 

Steven takes a sip of his own fruity beer for courage before he steels himself, "Speaking of..."

"Hot Italians?" Andrew asks, smiling at him.

"No, hot Adams," Steven says, before blushing at his fumble.

"Your date was also named Adam?" Adam guesses graciously, and Andrew gets that little furrow between his brow. "I thought he was a T-name, like Trevor or-"

"Tyler," Steven interjects. They both blink at him, waiting.

"Okay, so as Andrew already said, I had a date with a guy I met online, and..." Steven feels a lump in his throat already, and its so stupid, he tries to push it away, "And, anyway, I've not...really, gone out with a guy before, so. This is new for me." 

Andrew looks open and surprised—Adam is hard to read, but that's not shocking either, so Steven presses on. "I've um. I've had a hard time coming to terms with the fact that I like men-" his face is red, he's sure of it, and he might taste bile in his throat at even confessing this to _these_ men, his own friends, he could just stop it here, but he can't. 

"Because of my....my religious background, and things I've been taught, its hard to just...forget all of that, you know?" his voices cracks a little bit, and he fumbles for a napkin before Adam's hand brushes his to hand him one, and he thanks him quietly before dabbing at his eyes. 

"Like, the first person I told I was gay was Tyler, today." He laughs self-deprecatingly, "Which! I mean, is probably not even surprising to you both because I-" his face is pink, "-I _kissed_ you, both of you, and its like...God, I'm, obvious, but." He can't really look at either of them now, but they're both quiet as mice, listening intently.

"But, yeah. I...I went on like, my first real date with a guy....and...and Tyler's a sweet guy, like _really_ sweet, but he can tell that I'm still like...." Steven is shredding the napkin now with nervous fingers, "Like, hung up on someone else, like, maybe even _someones_ else, and-"

"Are you going to say that you like... both of us?" Andrew's voice is sharp and Steven jolts, eyes meeting Drew's-and not seeing any anger there, but confusion and a healthy dose of frustration.

"Um," Steven's mouth runs dry. "Maybe?"

"Jesus," Andrew says, and he slumps back in his seat as much as he can on these indoor picnic benches, looking thrown. 

"I just, look, I wanted to tell you guys this first," Steven manages to say without crying, "I know its...fucked up, but I thought it only fair to let you know that I...I'm not intentionally screwing around with both of you, like, I'm not trying to fuck with your feelings-"

Andrew makes a quiet sound which could be discontent or disagreement, but Adam lays a hand over his shoulder and he doesn't interject.

"-but the truth is...I don't even really know what I want."

"Then why-" Andrew starts to say, but Adam squeezes his shoulder and Andrew goes quiet, and Adam says instead, "What is it that you want us to do?"

Steven colors. "I assumed, you know, neither of you would want-" he waves his hand, expecting them to get the gist of what he is saying, but he gets blank stares in return.

"That neither of you would want to date me, anyway, so....we could just...clear the air, and move on, and date other people..." Steven confesses in a rush.

"Is that what you want?" Andrew asks, and if Steven didn't know any better he'd say that Andrew looked hurt.

"I don't want to hurt anyone," Steven says back, and Andrew sighs, but Steven presses on: "We're all friends, like, I don't want...what happened that night-" he definitely doesn't have to say what night, they all know what he means, "-I don't want that to happen again, because I love..." he feels his face heat, and his eyes well up with tears, "I love both of you, I love...us, and I don't want to wreck things."

Andrew and Adam both reach for him at the same time, and both of them end up holding one of his hands. 

Steven allows his few tears to stream freely (there's not much else he can do, handless), and he huffs a laugh at how ridiculous this all is, with how pained and yearning Andrew looks and how sweet and understanding Adam is. 

"Look," Adam says in his quiet voice, and they're all paying attention now. "If you want to date Andrew, it won't hurt my feelings."

Andrew lets in a sharp breath and looks at Adam like he's seeing him for the first time.

"Like, you both have something special, between you, it's...pretty obvious from where I'm sitting." Adam smiles, a little self-deprecatingly and says, "My job is literally to follow you both around and see through a camera lens how crazy you both are for each other. I never wanted to get in the way of that, but that night I...I felt like you were....like you needed someone to intervene, because you were drunk and scared, and now I see that maybe that was overstepping-"

"Adam," Andrew sighs, and Adam stops to look at him, "Look, you were keeping me in check, you're so much...more patient than I am, and you don't get jealous or...I was going to say you don't get angry, but my jaw knows that's not true." 

Adam snorts a laugh.

"But you were being protective, and you're so much....better at this than I am," he turns back to Steven now, "if you want to date Adam, I can't say that I should get in the way, after the way I..." Andrew takes in a breath, "I don't deserve it-"

"Drew," Adam says gruffly, clearly touched. "It's not about 'deserve,' its about whatever Steven wants."

"You're right," Andrew admits quietly, and they smile at one another. 

Steven is slack-jawed by this conversation, but before he can get in a word edge-wise, they're letting go of his hands to give each other a quick hug, patting each other on the back, and turning back to Steven with bright eyes and expectant faces.

 "Are you guys....waiting for me to choose between you now?" Steven asks, his voice taking on a slightly hysterical edge.

"Only if you want to," Andrew says quickly, but he looks so earnest and puppy-doggish, he can practically see his tail wagging.

Steven lets out an incredulous laugh, looking between them, "N-no, no way." 

Andrew's brow furrows, "Why not?" 

Steven laughs a little louder, and a little more forced, "Are...are you serious? I can't...pick between you."

Adam looks genuinely surprised, and that catches Steven off guard. "Is it because of the show?"

Steven blinks. "What?" he and Andrew both ask at the same time.

"You know, because it could...be bad," Adam says, looking awkward, "I mean.. if things went badly."

Steven's head rushes with that little tidbit of information. No shit it could go badly.

"Oh, god," he says, overwhelmed. "Well, yeah, no, see that...that would be a good enough reason not to on it's own..." 

"Wait, wait, wait," Andrew interrupts, hands in the air to silence them both before Steven can spiral any further. "Look, any relationship is...is a risk, obviously, but..." he cuts his eyes at Steven, "But you gotta know if you like one of us more than the other?"

Steven's laugh is on this-side of hysterical, "What?"

"I mean, maybe...maybe _like_ is the wrong word," Andrew concedes, "But there is such a thing as chemistry, and-"

"I know, I studied it in college," Steven says and it's harsher than he meant it to be and maybe not entirely true (chemical engineering, actually) but it effectively shuts Andrew up.

Guiltily, Steven looks from one friend to the other, "And what?" he asks in a gentler tone, thinking of his conversation with Tyler earlier. "I test it out by...by going out on dates with you both, and-and-and..kissing you to see which one of you I should be with?"

To his surprise, Andrew doesn't seem too look like he thinks that is such a bad idea. "Well-"

"It'd make good Buzzfeed content," Adam says dryly, and Steven lets out the most authentic laugh he's had all night.

 "Look I don't care about Worth It," Steven says, and they both look at him in surprise, "I...okay, that's not true, of course I care...but part of why I care is because I get to do it with both if you..Look, if I do this, and things went badly, I'd lose you both."

They both get quiet at that, and Steven feels his face heat, but he knew it had to be said.

"And, Andrew, I-" 

Andrew's green eyes meet his and Steven stammers, "I-I...you must know how I feel about you, but-"

"You have feelings for Adam, too," Andrew says softly and Steven's face heats further as he risks a look at Adam's intense features.

Steven swallows. "Yeah."

Andrew looks down, fiddling with his empty plate. "Yeah."

"Yeah," Steven says sadly. "I'm sorry, maybe in time I'll know, but I....I couldn't sooner choose between my left arm and my right."

"Maybe you don't have to."

Andrew and Steven's heads whip towards Adam, "What?"

"Maybe we do things the old fashioned way."

"And...what, draw straws?" Andrew asks, frowning, and Adam rolls his eyes.

"No. I was thinking more...we each get a night with him."

Steven's eyebrows go up so fast he's surprised they don't fly off his face, and even Andrew looks distinctly scandalized.

"Gay swinging is the old-fashioned way?" Andrew asks incredulously but Adam huffs a laugh, seemingly un-phased.

"For one thing, for it to be swinging we'd need to be two pairs of couples, so-"

"Okay, okay, semantics," Andrew says, but Steven is still trying to wrap his head around this.

"When you said, 'each have a night' with me, did you mean-" he asks in a stage whisper, as though afraid other patrons of this loud and boisterous restaurant will hear their plans for some sort of kinky gay rendezvous.

To his surprise, Adam blushes. "I didn't mean it like that. But when my grandma was young she used to date a handful of guys-"

Steven blinks, but Adam goes on, unbothered, "Like, Andy for Wednesday nights, or Timothy got Fridays, or-"

"Wow, your grandma got around," Andrew says dryly, but Adam gives him a wilting look. 

"She wasn't sleeping with them. I mean," he cuts his eyes from behind his glasses, "If she was, she didn't say, but the point is, it was accepted, and normal, to date around, until....you know," he gives a little shrug, "You _know._ "

The light behind Andrew's eyes brightens, "Ohhh, and then you start....'going steady'?" 

Adam grins at him widely, "Exactly. It's light-hearted, and low-stakes fun, until two parties decide that they want something more."

Andrew smiles back at him, clearly on board.

"Well, that could be....something, couldn't it?"

They make it all sound so easy. Andrew looks at him, so hopeful and handsome, and Adam looks adorably pleased with himself for coming up with such a plan, but all Steven can think about is all the uncertain variables, all the ways it could go hopelessly wrong.

"And...and what, I go out with you on Fridays and Adam on Saturdays?" Steven asks, sounding dubious, but Andrew and Adam exchange a look and shrug. 

"Sure," Andrew says, "Or, Sundays, I'm flexible."

"You could even keep dating that other guy-"

"Trevor," Andrew supplies helpfully.

"Tyler," Steven corrects.

"Yeah," Adam says, "And whoever you want, that way there's no jealousy."

Was Steven the only one here who's brain wasn't melting? It sounded too good to be true. What about feelings? What about...

Swallowing, Steven wonders if maybe he's making this more complicated than it needs to be. One's only in their twenties for so long, maybe Tyler was right, maybe he should live a little. If it's meant to be, it'll be, right? This is the only way he can ever figure that out without hurting either of them in the process. 

Steven bites his lip, looking between his boys, his Worth It Fam, the three musketeers and takes a deep, deciding breath, which they both seem to take with him. 

"Okay."

"Okay?" Andrew asks, his eyes sparkling with hope and elation so strongly Steven's heart hurts.

How can he say no to that? With a nervous grin, Steven says it again, "Okay."

Andrew fist bumps the air and Adam laughs, and suddenly Steven is laughing with them both as Andrew high fives Adam like the big nerd he is.

Steven's heart is so full with how well they're getting along and with the possibility of having them both that he thinks it might burst. 

Adam suddenly lifts his half-full tankard of beer in a toast, "To gay swinging-" he says, and Andrew's face scrunches up as he laughs.

"To doing things the old-fashioned way," Andrew adds, and Steven realizes it's his turn. 

"To us," he says, and their tankards clink together, " _Worthage a Trois_ forever."

They all drink to that, and Steven doesn't think beer has ever tasted so good or exciting before in his life. 

The night and his future is so full of potential, and Steven gets a thrill as he realizes that for once he isn't backing away from it. For once he's leaning in.

What could possibly go wrong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! 
> 
> Thanks for all of your patience and comments, they've really encouraged me to come back to this now that finals are (mostly) over and I'm (mostly) not procrastinating! Ish! 
> 
> Ya'll are awesome, and I get it, I'd date Tyler, too. 
> 
> (How 'bout this season, tho??)


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things begin to get a little more complicated in Steven's life as he starts the wonderful world of "Casual dating".

_If there were any more left of me_  
_I'd give it to you_  
_And I'll tell you that I am fine_  
_But I'm a missile that's guided to you_

✟✟✟

"You're going to start dating around?" Ryan asked, bright and early Monday morning. Steven admittedly doesn't have anyone else to blame but himself for blurting it to him the moment he entered the canteen except maybe the combination of his own nervous anticipation combined with his morning caffeine intake.

 "Yeah," Steven says shyly, and Ryan smiled at him, "So you mean like...Tinder or...."

"Yeah, a bit," Steven said, and his eyes cut over to where he could see Andrew leaning against the wall to talk to Niki about something Tasty-related, and, behind them, Adam carrying in a couple of his bags of equipment.

"And, um-"

"Andrew?" Ryan guessed, and Steven's attention immediately snapped back to the shorter man in front of him. "What?"

"I mean, you and him, I mean, maybe it's not my place to say-"

Steven shook his head and wondered if he was that obvious if _they_ were that obvious: "No, no, you're right-"

Ryan looked at first relieved, and then excited, "That's awesome! Wow, good for you, I knew there was something about the way you two ate those fucking desserts all sensually and-"

"-and also Adam," Steven interrupted before Ryan could go down whatever _that_ train of thought would lead.

"Woah, woah, what?" Ryan asked, gawping at him. "You guys are...what, a thrupple?" 

"A what?!" Steven asked right back, and Ryan repeated himself before Steven shook his head, eyes wide and mind spinning at the possibilities before hushing his voice and leaning in close, "This isn't porn, Ryan, we're not...you know, a threesome." 

Ryan blushed a little and laughed guiltily. "Um, uh, okay. So...what are you then?"

And wasn't that the question of the hour?

The weekend was over, so they all had to go back to their real lives after Wurstkuche last night, and had decided they would start the official 'dating' the following weekend. He'd been giddy that night, to the point where he'd had difficulty falling asleep, but since he woke up he'd been all nerves.

"We're uh....nothing. It's casual," Steven said, trying to sound as cool and collected as Adam had sounded when he suggested it last night, turning to stir some more sugar into his second coffee. "And Andrew and Adam aren't dating each other."

"Oh," Ryan said in a funny-sounding voice. "Wow. Holy shit. That's cool."

"It is," Steven said with more emphasis than he felt. "So like, I can date guys on Tinder, too." 

"Damn," Ryan said, and he bit his lower lip for a moment like he was considering saying something but then Shane walked in.

"Have you met anyone on Tinder yet?" Ryan asked instead, and Steven nodded, leaning against the counter as Shane maneuvered around him to reach for a cup.   
  
"Is our very own Steven Lim on the sinful Tinder app?" Shane asked, unapologetically eavesdropping. 

"He is," Ryan said, before looking at Steven, "That's a mixed bag, isn't it?"  
  
"It is," Steven agreed, surprised at how relieved he felt about being able to talk about these things now instead of hiding them. It only occurred to him now that Ryan hadn't even batted an eye at knowing that he dated men. Huh.

"But I met this guy named Tyler-"

"Ooo," Shane said, dipping a bag of green tea into his hot water. "Tyler." 

"Yes," Steven said, blushing, "I mean, he's nice, but-"

"But Steven is playing the field," Ryan interrupted, grinning mischievously and Steven blanched. 

"No, I'm not-"

"Oh, not Steven Lim!" Shane gasped in mock surprise. "Leaving a trail of broken hearts across Los Angeles?"

Steven was blushing despite himself, "I doubt _that_ -"

"Well, if you're going to date Andrew and Adam," Ryan said with some dubious inference, and Shane's eyebrows shot up.

" _Both_ of them?"

"But not together," Ryan corrected.

"Well, well, you are much further into the modern age than I would've assumed," Shane said, saluting him with his mug while Steven flushed. "I'd not have taken you to be poly."   
  
"What?" Steven blinked.

"Polyamorous," Shane repeated, as though surprised Steven didn't know the term. 

"But I'm not..."

"Dating them together? True, but there are still forms of polyamory where one partner engages with partners that don't overlap-"

"It's not polyamory," Steven said quickly, face heating at even voicing what felt like a dirty word. One step at a time, he told himself. He's never really dated one man seriously, how could he date multiple?!

"It's just, you know, old school," he insisted, "casual."

"Casual," Shane echoed. 

"Yeah," Steven said, and he couldn't understand why that made him feel as itchy and uncertain as he suddenly did.

Shane makes a thoughtful hum behind his mug of coffee.

Okay, so he really shouldn't have said anything while their resident skeptic was around, but maybe he wasn't going to be as acerbic as he could sometimes be...

"Sure," Shane said dryly, "Dating two of your best friends, what could possibly go wrong?" 

Steven blushed, but before he could rise to the bait Ryan intervened: "What the fuck is wrong with that?" 

"What?" Shane asked, blinking at the 5'10 tower of fury that was headed his direction.

"I mean, why can't best friends date?"  Ryan asked, and Steven looked between him and the taller, sheepishly stooped man from where he stooped over his own best friend. "Shouldn't they be the best possible partners? I mean, since they know you best?"  

Shane's face shuttered, "I thought we were talking about casual relationships, Ry-"

"We are," Ryan deflected, and Shane scoffed. 

"What, you never heard of 'friends with benefits' before?" Ryan asked, voice dripping with sarcasm that bordered on acidic. 

Shane's eyes narrowed, "That's not what you were just talking about, you were talking about _love_ -"

"I never said the word 'love,'" Ryan said quickly, but his face had turned a slightly pinkish color.

"Oh, I think it was implied-" Shane contested, never one to back down. "You were talking about 'best possible partners' who 'know each other best,'" he said mockingly, "You might as well have said the word 'soulmates,'" he added and suddenly Ryan looked hurt. 

Shane seemed on too much of a roll to notice this, however, and was bordering on saying something else stupid, Steven could tell.

"Guys," Steven interrupted awkwardly only to be completely ignored.

"There's a reason why your best friends are your _friends,_ Ryan—fuck buddies can work, but only if you don't let feelings get in the way. You fuck them, you don't date them...The only way to date casually is to date people you don't already have feelings for—people you don't care much about," Shane added in his infinite wisdom, and even if the conversation hadn't grown so tense Steven might've cringed at how crushed Ryan looked then. 

"Wow, okay, fuck you," Ryan said with a false-sounding laugh, and Shane looked at him with some confusion. "What?"

"Anyways, why do you care about who Steven dates," Ryan asked, face stormy, "unless, I mean, did you want to date him?" 

Steven froze, eyes cutting to Shane who looked at him like he was some strange alien who had just transported himself in front of them (that is if he believed in that sort of thing). 

"What?" Shane asked, "No-no, I don't want to _date_ him-" he did look back at Steven again to add a quick, "Sorry, man," and Steven shook his head, eyes wide, "That's okay, I didn't-"

"You don't?" Ryan asked, "Really? I thought you were _all_ about the casual dating just a second ago-" 

"Ryan," Shane cut in, and his voice cut through what might have been a downward spiral as his hand curled itself around Ryan's bicep. Ryan abruptly stopped talking, and though Steven could still practically see smoke coming out of his ears, he cut his eyes, almost nervously, up at the taller man.  Shane's usually chill and relaxed demeanor had shifted into something else entirely and Ryan seemed to recognize that. "Outside. Now."

Before Steven could say another word, the Unsolved duo had left the canteen.

When he turned back to the counter he saw steam still coming from their cups. 

 ✟✟✟

By the time Friday had arrived, Steven felt it couldn't have come any sooner. 

There was definitely _something_ going on between Shane and Ryan that had apparently come to a head: both of them were incredibly stubborn, after all, but to be honest, Steven had other things on his mind. 

He and the rest of the _Worthage a Trois_ had tiptoed around each other a little this week, blushing a bit more than usual: maybe flirting a little more openly.

Andrew's hand had wrapped around his when he handed him his mug of coffee Wednesday morning and Steven sloshed it all over both of their hands out of nerves. Thankfully it wasn't too hot, or they might've had more wounds to heal from before they could ever begin dating.

And besides, it was Andrew's night.

Andrew showed up at his apartment five minutes early and wearing something completely different than what he had worn to work that day. Steven was completely aware of that, and of how good he smelled the moment he opened the door because he uncharacteristically pulled Steven into his embrace, and Steven clung, perhaps pitifully, to his torso, right where he could scent his cologne dashed on his neck.

Good lord, he smelled _good._

Andrew was chuckling as he pulled back and Steven wondered-Did he say that out loud? 

"Thanks," Andrew said, almost shyly as he stood in front of him and Steven felt himself blush. Apparently, he did. 

"Uh. So do you," Drew added, and Steven had to laugh, "Um. Thanks." 

They just stood there looking at each other for a long moment before Drew said, "So! I uh, I thought we could go get something different than usual. How's Thai sound?" 

Steven grinned, "Thai sounds perfect."

 ✟✟✟

It was more than perfect. 

It was like a continuation of everything they'd always done in Worth It-those little pre-date dates, like they'd all been leading up to this-them eating together, sharing food, sharing bites without a camera crew or anyone to judge the looks he threw Andrew's way.

They shared a corner booth in this adorable little place that had potted flowers and little candles and flickering lights to set the mood, and they were able to knock knees and sit as close as they liked, sharing this space to themselves that was all their own-a moment that was all their own.

By the time they were done, both of them were reluctant to end the night, so they got shaved ice at a food truck nearby and sat on the curb until it got too cold to warrant staying out much later.

After sharing an innocent, earnest kiss all alone in the parking lot, Andrew took Steven home.

 ✟✟✟

The door slammed open as Andrew pushed Steven somewhat blindly inside, Steven holding onto Andrew like he might fly away if he let go for even a moment, and distracting him maybe a little by kissing him when he was trying to help him inside without incident. 

"Steven," Andrew murmured, and his voice was so deep Steven wanted to melt in it. "Let's-mm, let's close the door." 

"Sure," Steven said amiably, but he was very unwilling to move, so Andrew eventually gave up on him moving and sort of moved him, lifting him out of the way with his hands on Steven's hips, setting him to the side and shutting the door for him. 

If Steven said that little display didn't impress him he'd be lying. His heart was hammering in his chest, and he didn't think he'd felt this drunk off of another person since that night-though this time he'd only had half a glass of wine, so he could say for a fact it wasn't the alcohol. 

Andrew had meant only to give him a kiss goodnight in front of his apartment complex, but things had...escalated. 

Steven couldn't say he minded. It felt like everything he'd ever done had led to this.

Andrew's hair was a mess, he pushed it out of his eyes as he turned around, and Steven was suddenly so attracted to him it hurt.

"Now where were we?" he asked, and Steven pulled Andrew in by the shirt and pushed him against his door, not missing Andrew's surprised (and very pleased) smile before their lips met again. 

"What?" Steven has to ask and he's smiling as they kiss again (and again) before Andrew answers, "Nothing, nothing," innocently, until Steven pulls back with a certified Look of dubiousness until Andrew laughs and concedes, "I just never pictured you being so..." his eyes flickered from Steven's eyes to his mouth, "Assertive, that's all."

"No?" Steven asked, full of adrenaline and maybe a little wine from dinner. 

"No," Andrew confesses, but he laughs again, "look, I'm not complaining-"

"You're saying you never thought about me like this?" Steven asks boldly, and Andrew's smile just about slides off his face as he looks at their positioning, and he might even blush a bit. 

"Uh-" Andrew laughs, and he looks open-but nervous, more so than Steven's ever seen him, and Steven feels emboldened to act.

"Or maybe....like this."

He reaches for Andrew's belt, but Andrew's hand stops him before he can do anything, looping around his wrist. Suddenly losing his confidence, Steven's eyes flicker back up to Andrew, flushed and embarrassed. 

"S-sorry, I-"

"No, no-" Andrew insists, "I-"

"I mean, if you don't want," Steven continues, but Andrew catches his eye, "No, no, I do want," he lets out a huff of a laugh, green eyes boring into Steven's. "Believe me, I really, _really_ do want....that." 

Steven feels his ears turn pink, but Andrew goes on, "But, it's-it's too soon." His hand moves from Steven's wrist to take his hand in his own.

"Is it because I'm...dating other guys?" Steven asks, Shane's words ringing in his ear, and Andrew turns a little pink himself, "No! I mean...no, not exactly. I mean, maybe a little-" 

"Is it because-"

"It's because you're a virgin," Andrew confesses and Steven is thrown back to the moment he had so flippantly given that information away.

"Oh," Steven said softly, and he ducked his head, feeling that familiar surge of shame threaten to boil over. "I-"

"And," Andrew's hand let go of his to touch his face, cupping it, bringing him back to him, "And it's not because you're not desirable, Stevie, it's because it's something that was important to you....that is important to you, and I want to respect that." 

"But.." Steven stammered, trying not to melt at the understanding look on Andrew's face, and he leans into Andrew's soft warm palm, "But what if I changed my mind?"

"Then our third date," Andrew teases him, and Steven laughs, stepping back from the wall, giving him space, "Is that how that works?"

"Oh yeah," Andrew says, winking at him, "That's definitely how that works."

Steven shakes his head at him, "I guess I'll just have to take your word for it," he sighs, but Andrew is still grinning. "Hey, I'll have you know, my word is fairly good in this part of town-"

"Oh in this part of Los Angeles, specifically?"

Andrew throws his had back and laughs, "Yeah, just, don't leave this neighborhood, I haven't had a chance to up my rating in East LA yet."

Steven shakes his head at him, grinning, and feeling at least a little less embarrassed than he did a few moments ago. Now that he has a disheveled Andrew in his apartment walkway though, Steven looks at him, and then back at his living room uncertainly, "So, uh, what do we do now?"

"Now?" Andrew checks his watch, "Now it's eleven thirty-four, so now we're going to say goodnight." 

"We are?" Steven asks disappointedly, "We could just...watch a movie."

"Steven," Andrew says knowingly, and Steven blushes.

"We're going to say goodnight," Andrew prompts him. 

Steven's shoulders sink, "Fine."

"Hey," Andrew says softly, hands coming back to rest on Steven's hips, "Don't pout."

"I'm not pouting," Steven lies.

"Okay," Andrew says in his I-don't-believe-you voice.

"I'm not," Steven insists.

"Sure," Andrew says, and his eyes are warm and he's beautiful and oh-so-frustrating. 

"Can I at least get a kiss goodnight?"

Andrew stands up on his toes and kisses Steven's lower protruding lip. "Of course you can, Stevie."

He kisses it again, and then takes it, gently in his mouth.

Steven's eyes flicker closed.

Andrew pulls away.

"Goodnight," he whispers.

"Goodnight," Steven echoes back. He doesn't think he's capable of moving. 

Andrew walks to the door, and peers around it to give him a little wave before he shuts the door, and sees himself out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up: first date with Adam, and the return of Tyler! Thanks for all your patience guys. Hey, who knows y'all may get another update sooner than you think!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things heat up a little bit with Adam in the kitchen, and Steven comes....to many startling revelations.

_Go out in the world to start over again and again_  
_As many times as ya can_  
_And in the_ end _if I don't make it on the list_  
_Would you sneak me a wristband?_

✟✟✟

After the events of last night, Steven floated around his apartment feeling lighter than a cloud.

He wondered if maybe he was messing around too much—maybe Andrew was the one, after all.

Well, he wasn't going to cancel on Adam so last minute. Today was his first date with just him, and maybe, if things were weird, then they'd just know.

Adam came to his apartment just after noon, wearing a nice button down shirt and jeans, and carrying a Trader Joes bag. 

"I was thinking we could dine in today," Adam said, his brown eyes searching Steven's features, "If that's okay." 

"Yeah, sure!" Steven said, heart flipping a little. "As long as you're the head chef."

Adam grinned. "As if I'd leave you in charge."

Steven made a mock-offended sound as he led Adam into his kitchen and suddenly was struck by the fact that the last time they were in here together was in the aftermath of their fight.

Adam seemed to recognize this too if his furtive look was anything to go by, but luckily they were able to scoot past that awkwardness as Adam took out the ingredients he had brought for pasta and a salad-including a crisp loaf of French bread.

"Oh, fresh bread," Steven said almost moaning aloud as he brought it to his nose to smell it. "God, Andrew would love this."

Adam's shy, pleased smile froze a little on his face at the mention of Andrew, but he gave a little shrug and had to agree, "He would."

As the water was set to boil, Adam showed Steven how to roll out the dough for fresh pasta, his nimble fingers and skilled hands covered in a light powdering of flour as he made delicate cuts and crimps in the noodles-to-be. 

"Did you two have a good time last night?" Adam asked lightly, eyes fixed on his work as he began to place the finished pieces of pasta in the strainer to set. 

"Yeah," Steven said, and he blushed a little. "It was...a lot of fun."

"Good," Adam said decisively, and Steven met his gaze. 

Adam looked like he was considering asking more about the date, but he let the conversation drop. 

"Want to make the salad?" 

"Sure."

And that was that.

 ✟✟✟

There was something about Adam that made companionable silence possible, and just spending time with him was nice and recharging. He didn't feel like he had to explain too much about his date or what he was feeling, or...anything, really. And that was nice.

Oh, and the food was divine, too.

Adam was very pleased with the turnout, based on the way he kept smiling to himself as he tucked into his food. 

He and Andrew may be the ones usually eating on camera, but Adam was a beast when it came to putting away food. Despite whatever the audience of Youtube commenters believed, Adam always got his share of food and then some... just usually after the filming was done. 

 The only problem, of course, with eating a gigantic amount of food in the mid-afternoon was you always ended up sleepy as hell afterward.

Adam was leaning back in his chair with heavily-lidded eyes, and Steven would have been content to retire to the living room for a lil nap-action himself if it wasn't for what happened next. 

 "You...you have a little...shmutz right there," Steven said, pointing at the space above his beard, where pasta sauce had found a home.

"Oh," Adam said, blushing and dabbing at his beard, with a napkin, "Yeah, it's a food strainer," he said wryly, and Steven's nose crinkled up as he laughed. "Gross." 

"Did I get it?" he asked, blinking owlishly at Steven from behind his frames and Steven shook his head, grinning. "No, no, it's right...over there." 

Adam tilted his chin towards Steven as if to let him get it, so Steven took one hand and held Adam's face still, while with the other he took his napkin and wiped the spot clean. "Got it."

Steven's eyes flickered up. Adam was still leaning his face into Steven's hand, looking at him softly, and Steven swallowed. 

"Can I...I mean, would you mind if I...?" he asked, and Adam fumbled with a napkin, wiping his hands on it, before taking Steven's face in his hands, and saying, "Yeah," and kissing him. 

 ✟✟✟

Despite Steven's initial belief that a daytime date would prevent any fooling around, things escalated from there.

It may have only been two o'clock in the afternoon but Steven was now half on Adam's lap on the couch, kissing him like a man starving.

Adam didn't kiss like Andrew did-and didn't that set Steven's blood on fire that he could now tell the difference?  

Andrew kissed like he was trying to draw you out, taste you, see what you liked, and then give it to you until you were swooning.

Adam kissed the way he ate- like he wanted more, more, _more_ , and he was going to carefully take you in small bites until he devoured you whole.

"Adam, fuck," Steven gasped, and Adam's hand came in between them to press the heel of his hand against Steven's crotch. Steven let out a sound that was almost a sob. He'd never been so hard in his life, he could barely think, barely breathe, and Adam's beard kept brushing against the sensitive soft skin under his jaw as he kissed him and nipped him.

"That's right," Adam said in his soft, gentle voice, "C'mon, it's okay." 

"A-Adam, please," Steven sobbed, now openly humping against Adam's hand, and Adam suddenly gripped him by the hard line against his skinny jeans, running his firm fingers up and down the outline of his cock, and Steven's movements stilted, and he was panting and Adam was biting at the spot just below his ear, leaving beard burn and murmuring, "That's it, baby, there's a good boy-"

"Ah, ah-" Steven gasped, and his vision went white as he came, hot and sticky in his boxer shorts and jeans.

He only had a few moments to catch his breath as his brain finally caught up to what he'd done, and his face, already flushed from exertion, began to slowly deepen in color until it wasn't a far cry from crimson. He may not have done this before, but he knew that coming in one's pants wasn't exactly something that happened to most people his age. 

 "Oh my god," Steven said in a small voice, and Adam echoed him as he seemed to connect the dots. 

"I'm...so sorry," Steven babbled immediately, and he fumbled back like a baby deer on wobbly legs, but Adam caught him, and kept him close with a firm hand looped around his wrist. 

"Steven, that's okay," he said with a huff of laughter, "I don't care about that, it happens to everyone."

Steven was still very pink, but he wasn't trying to pull away anymore.

"And it's not like, you know, you've done this a lot," Adam guessed cautiously, and Steven shook his head shyly in agreement. 

"Like, nobody's gonna care," Adam continued, coaxing him out of his embarrassment, "I don't care, Andrew wouldn't care..." 

Steven blushed, thinking of last night, but he chose not to say anything, instead he re-adjusted himself on Adam's thighs before realizing that while he might've come Adam was still very hard.

"Can I...um...help you?"

Adam laughed and took off his glasses which had begun to fog up and get a little smudged in their make-out sesh, hanging them off his t-shirt with a grin, blinking up at him with those sweet brown eyes. "Um. Only if you want to."

But he licked his lips as Steven reached for his belt, hands shaking only slightly as he fumbled it open before he pulled down the zipper of Adam's jeans, reaching between his flies to pull Adam out of his boxer shorts.

Adam had a nice, pink cock, and as terrified as Steven was at getting this wrong he saw that Adam was already panting, and that helped...some.

Steven licked his hand, thinking of his own cock and not wanting to hurt Adam before wrapping it around him, and squeezing, maybe a little too tightly based on the wince. 

"Sorry," Steven stammered, and he let up on his grip, watching his hand slide up and down Adam's cock with a sort of distant fascination. 

He was touching another man's dick. He was doing it. He was jerking off Adam. Holy shit.

By the time he looked back up at Adam, he realized he should've been doing that the whole time. His hand around Adam's cock was hot, in a weird sort of way, but seeing Adam's reaction? God, that was everything.

Adam's mouth was partially open, and he was panting, his face flushed, and he was so hot, that Steven had to kiss him.

"Is this good?" Steven asked as he moved his hand a little faster, and Adam nodded, groaning a little as he nuzzled against Steven's neck.

"Is this what you did with Andrew?" Adam asked in a quiet, breathy voice and Steven almost stopped out of shock.

"Fuck," Adam murmured, "Did you get him off like this?"

Steven's voice left him, but Adam's hand wrapped around Steven's and helped him keep moving his hand until he was almost fucking his fist. 

"God, I think he'd want you to," Adam groaned, "He's held back for so long, but he...fuck,...he'd fuck you if you'd let him."

Steven gasped, and his body shuddered in a reaction so visceral he wondered if he was getting hard again.

"He probably didn't, did he?" Adam continues, his voice almost raspy in Steven's ear, "He thinks you're too good for him, doesn't want to...corrupt you or something." 

Adam grunted, and for a moment there was only the sound Adam practically tearing Steven's jeans open, reaching inside to grab his cock while Steven keened up into his hands. His cock was covered in come, but Adam used it to his advantage, their hands moving slickly up and down their cocks together while Steven whined. 

"He probably'd want to lay you down on a bed of roses, treat you like a princess-"

There was no wondering anymore, Steven was definitely hard. His head was spinning, he was panting, jolting, bucking up at Adam's words.

 "Take you apart nice and slow, god, if I could I-"

Adam bit at his neck, leaving a mark, his beard burning with its scratchy texture as he was close, so close...

"I'd fuck him like an animal."

Steven's cried out as he came, and everything went black.

 ✟✟✟

When Steven came to, Adam was helping him up, and getting him water, and back to being the gentle, soft-spoken sweetheart, Steven knew him to be.

Even still, Steven found it hard to look him in the eyes, and Adam seemed to notice that he needed his space.

Adam did dishes and shooed Steven to the shower where he peeled himself out of his messy jeans and boxers, trying not to give them too-close an inspection before giving himself a quick rinse off.

When he came back out, Adam had collected his things in the Trader Joes bag and looked as presentable and as unassuming as he had when he'd first come in.

"I... hope you had a good time," Adam said, and Steven nodded, blushing. "See you at work?"

Steven kissed his bristly cheek, and Adam smiled back at him, and then, Adam was gone.

Steven did not sleep much that night. 

 ✟✟✟

" _I'd fuck him like an animal,"_ Adam had nearly snarled, and he could see it as he lay in bed.

Adam curled behind Andrew as he...

Fuck.

As he...

Steven's hand wrapped around his cock that night the way that Adam had earlier, eyes closed, mouth open and panting as he tugged.

Fuck, fuck, _fuck._

 ✟✟✟

Sunday morning, Steven woke up in a fog. 

His underwear was sticky and gross again, and he felt...frankly, like shit.

It was nearly ten am. 

Fuck, what was he doing?

Steven stared at the ceiling for a few minutes, before scrolling mindlessly through social media, not paying too much attention by what he scrolled past. 

It was Sunday, he reasoned. Maybe he should...

Steven bit his lip as he went online, looking up local church services. There was one nearby at 11:00. He had time for that.

After showering and grabbing coffee and feeling a little more human, Steven left his apartment and parked in front of this new church. It was definitely one of those more modern, industrial-looking churches you saw across LA. There was a "Black Lives Matter" sign in the window, and even, to his surprise, a gay pride flag hanging down one side of the brick.

Even still, he felt a little terrified, somehow, as he walked up the steps that somebody, anybody, would look at him and know what he'd been doing yesterday, what he'd been thinking about last night...what...whatever he was.

He almost turned back around and left if it wasn't for the cheerful older African American man who stopped him to greet him that morning and ask him how he was doing.

"Good, good," Steven said, not looking him in the eye. He felt weirdly like he might cry.

"Is this your first time here?" 

Steven's lower lip quivered slightly. "Yeah."

"Well, I'm glad you found us," the man said warmly. "My name is Roger, and it's a pleasure to meet you....?"

"Steven," he answered, and shook Roger's hand.

"Steven," Roger repeated, "Let me know if there's anything I can do for you, okay?"

"Thank you," Steven managed to say, and Roger smiled at him as Steven took a deep breath and entered the church.

He felt awkward sitting by himself, and he looked around, as many older people, and families, and a smattering of people his age began to take their seats. 

'What am I doing here?' Steven asked himself, stomach gnawing in anxiety. 'Do I even belong here anymore?'

But the moment the music began, Steven's anxiety faded away with the familiar hymn.

God, but he'd missed this...community of worship. He'd only just begun to allow the words and the music to wash over him when it faded, the worship leader strumming his guitar and speaking into a mic to tell them it was time to greet their neighbors.

Steven groaned internally, he'd always hated this part.

He managed to smile as a nice couple greeted him, looking over his shoulder at the corner where some college kids where hanging out together, and then, behind him, where he was suddenly struck by a beautifully familiar pair of warm brown eyes.

"Steven with an  N!" Tyler said brightly, and Steven was so stunned all he could do was laugh as he was brought into a warm hug.

"I didn't know you went here!" 

And just like that, his day got a little brighter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for all of your constant feedback, lovelies! I've got a fairly busy schedule but I really wanted to bang this one out (and so did Steven, if you know what I mean ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) )


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there are conversations, reflections, and preparation for things to come.

_Give me a boost over Heaven's gate_  
_I'm gonna need a boost_  
_'Cause everything else is a substitute for your love_  
_Give me a boost over Heaven's gate_

✟✟✟

Tyler was certainly the last person that Steven had expected to run in again, but boy was he glad that he had.

The moment that church was over, Tyler asked if he wanted to get food, and they ended up at a nearby sushi place-and with a bento box in front of him, Steven felt himself relax with his friend.

"So, if Lighthouse isn't your home church, where do you usually...." Tyler began, picking at his poke, and Steven squirmed a little in his seat.

"I haven't really gone to church in a while," Steven confessed, not quite meeting Tyler's eye, but Tyler hardly seemed upset.

"Ah, it happens," he said generously, and Steven nodded, but he was still blushing.

"Is it because-" Tyler hesitated, before reaching across to cover Steven's hand with his own in a quick, apologetic gesture. "Forgive me if I'm assuming, but is it because you've just come out?"

 Steven nodded, swallowing thickly at the bittersweet taste in his mouth. "I did."

"I think you'll come to find that there are a lot more welcoming and inclusive people in the church and out of it than you'd expect," Tyler said kindly, and Steven had to smile. "I think I'm beginning to figure that out myself."

"So," Tyler began, and Steven had to laugh at the mischievous look on his face.

"So?"

"So, how are things going with your...gentlemen?" Tyler asked, and Steven blushed a bit, laughing. "You mean Andrew and Adam?"

Tyler lit up, grinning, "Yeah, good ol' Andy and Addy."

Steven snorted, "Uh, for one thing, I don't call them by those names," he said, and okay, maybe he was stalling a little. 

"Okay, okay," Tyler conceded, "But....?"

"There's no 'but'," Steven said, not exactly looking at him, "Things are...good."

 When Tyler didn't say anything to that Steven finally looked up to see the disbelieving look on his face.

"What?"

"Come on," Tyler prompted, pointing at him with his chopstick, "You gotta give me something."

Steven swallowed. "Alright. So...Drew and I went on a date the other night."

Tyler grinned. "And?"

"And it was great," Steven gushed. "Like I always hoped it would be."

Tyler was resting his chin on his hand as he watched Steven talk, beaming at him like he was telling the most romantic story in the world. Maybe he was.

"And then?"

"And...then I had a date with Adam," Steven said, before flushing as he remembered the events of last night. He fumbled with his shirt as though Tyler would be able to see imprints-indents of Adam's touch on his skin.

"Mr. Cameraman," Tyler said with a grin. "And...?"

"And...." Steven wasn't going to tell him, he wasn't going to, but suddenly...

"We sort of....fooled around yesterday," he said awkwardly. 

"Oh shit," Tyler said, but he was still smiling. "How was it?"

"Great," Steven confessed. "God, it was...great," he said, knowing he was turning pink but he couldn't help it. "But..."

"But...he's not Andrew?" Tyler guessed.

Steven took a breath, "Sort of."

Tyler arched a brow, waiting, and suddenly everything came out at once.

"It's just....I've never....before....and...you know, Andrew knows, so he like...he wants to take it slow, and like, I respect that, and like, I know he's doing it because he...because I think he has feelings for me, and like, I do for him too, like, a _lot.._.but I also like Adam, too, and I'm not sure if I should feel guilty or...like..."

"Does Andrew know?" Tyler interrupted. 

Steven blinked. "Know what?"

"That you're seeing Adam."

Steven nodded. "It was...Adam's idea actually, that I date..casually, you know, around until I find out who I want to date for real."

Tyler made a humming sound in the back of his throat, but Steven couldn't exactly tell what he was thinking and he didn't like it.

"It sounds like they're giving you room to figure things out for yourself," Tyler said, "And like...that's cool."

Steven smiled, "..it is."

 ✟✟✟

Tyler was kind enough to let the topic drop, and they moved on to other things, like work, their passions and hopes for the future. As it turned out, aside from Tyler's startup with a buddy of his, he was also an amateur Youtuber himself 

 Steven thought Tyler would fit well at Buzzfeed and was quick to say so.

"Oh, I don't know about that," Tyler said modestly, but when Steven offered him a tour sometime Tyler looked genuinely interested. 

Time went by so quickly with Tyler, that by the time they were walking back out to Tyler's car, Steven felt relaxed enough to say, "We should do this again sometime." 

"Listen, Steven," Tyler said, "As much as I'd love to go out with you again, I'm not sure that would be such a great idea." 

Steven blushed. "Why not?"

"Because you're in love with two men already," Tyler said, and he lifted a hand up before Steven could speak, to continue, "Because as much as you want to believe that you're ready to casually date, you're choosing to do it with two people you work with and are already your best friends. I think that that's....great, in its own way," he added quickly.

Steven waited for the '....but' he knew was coming, a pale blush on his cheeks as he fumbled with his food. 

"But I doubt its as casual as you want to believe, and I don't want to get in the way of that."

Tyler said it so gracefully that Steven couldn't be upset even as embarrassed as he was at rejection. 

"So does that mean you...don't want the Buzzfeed tour then?" Steven asked with a rueful smile, but Tyler clasped his shoulder, "Of course not. I'd love to."

"And I'm not saying no to us as friends," Tyler clarified, and Steven ducked his head with a grin, "Oh, okay."

"God, I know that sounds bad," Tyler said, running his hands through his hair, "But I'm serious! I like you, Steven."

And somehow Steven knew he meant it.

✟✟✟ 

The next day was Monday, which meant back to life as usual. 

A lot had happened over the weekend, but he had to go on as though nothing out of the ordinary had happened.

The shy smile Andrew gave him when he walked by made Steven wave at him like a dork, and smile stupidly to himself until Adam walked in.

When he saw Adam, his heart did flips for entirely different reasons: it was hard to see Adam as the "precious cinnamon roll" the internet seemed to think he was anymore.

God, he was gonna need more coffee if he was ever gonna survive the day.

What he saw surprised in the canteen surprised him more than a little: Shane had Ryan pressed up against the counter and was making out with him like it was 9:00pm on a Friday night, and not 9:00am on a Monday morning.

Steven hesitated in the entranceway, unsure if he was allowed to look, or even be in the same room with them right now. 

Ryan's hands were buried in Shane's hair, and the sounds they were making alone made Steven feel suddenly very awake even without the caffeine. 

It would appear that whatever dispute they'd been having last week had been resolved, Steven thought to himself. Then his traitorous brain added, 'Ha, Buzzfeed Resolved. Andrew would love that,' but his chuckle had given him away and Shane and Ryan pulled apart, doing their best to pretend they hadn't just been making out on company time.

"Oh, hey Steven," Shane said, casual as you please, but Ryan was hopelessly unsubtle, giggling and pink.

"Hi guys," Steven said awkwardly, not making eye contact with them as he went for the cupboards to reach for the closest mug. 

"You would make a terrible criminal," Shane said to his shorter counterpart, and Ryan stopped giggling long enough to puff out his chest in that absurd posturing way he was prone to do.

"Not...that terrible." 

 "You have no poker face, Bergara. None. Zilch."

Steven did his best to make his coffee while this little love-fest was going on, trying not to be at least a little envious at how things seemed to be working for them. Two people seemed so much simpler. 

"You'd give the game away right off the bat."

"Nuh-uh," Ryan said childishly, but he was already giggling, and when Steven looked again, Shane had hooked his thumbs in the loops of Ryan's jeans and they were....much closer than perhaps acceptable for the workplace.

"Face it, Ryan, you're all face-journeys, babe," Shane said playfully and Ryan was giving him heart-eyes, beamy smile, full-stop.

Ugh.

"I can be quiet," Ryan insisted, and Shane looked like he was going to deny this but then Ryan raised his brows, a slow, flirty grin on his face, "Can't I? When I need to be?"

Steven made his way out of there as fast as humanly possible without sloshing scalding hot coffee all over himself. There were some things he really _didn't_ need to know. 

 ✟✟✟ 

 The rest of the week went by pretty much in the same way (spotting Shane and Ryan making out notwithstanding), with cute little interludes with the _Worthage a Trois,_ while they got shit done and edited and planned for the release of Season 3.

It's not that he forgot what Tyler said, not exactly. They hadn't hung out again yet, and Steven hadn't tried to see anyone else. 

It was just...trying to figure out what he wanted was so hard. They all got along so well together, and, on their own, he got on with each of them well, just...differently. 

Not to mention the fact that they were honestly just pretty damn busy.

Aside from a little kissing here and there with one of the Worth It boys or the other, they mostly just ate lunch together and got to work. They were able to sneak in one personal date each:

He went to the movies with Adam-they didn't have sex this time, though it was a near thing-Steven was too shy to fool around even in the relative safety of a dark theatre. The kiss Adam gave him at the end almost made him regret that decision. Almost.

Andrew and Steven went swimming, and splashed each other and made out lazily in fold-up chairs, until they collapsed through the cheap plastic and into a pile of damp, giggling bodies on the sidewalk.

They finished with picnic sandwiches, and showered off-though not together. Not yet.

They were dry when Adam brought his laptop over and they were able to get back to work. 

There were some major travel destinations coming up, and personally, Steven couldn't wait. 

The only downside to being so busy was it meant some things had to be postponed.

At this rate it looked like their next dates were going to be in Australia.

Well, that didn't sound so bad.

Steven was sat between them on the couch as he looked over the itinerary.

 In fact, it looked like they were set to do some of the more "romantic" episodes Down Under, weren't they? Seafood and wine. With plenty of hotel beds...

Steven cut his eyes over at Andrew, remembering both his third date rule, and what Adam had said about Drew wanting to lay him out...Not to mention, whatever Adam might want to try...

Australia couldn't come fast enough. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the love and support for this story, everyone! It's been a busy summer, but I hope to update this one again soon!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Boys are in Australia, and Steven has made up his mind that this is when things go to the next level with Andrew.

_I got dreams of my own_  
_But I want to make yours come true_  
_So please come through_  
_Honey please, please come through_

✟✟✟

Australia is both everything and nothing like what Steven thought it would be.

He sits by Drew on the plane there, sort of by the luck of the draw. It's one of their longer shared flights, and yet Andrew (a notoriously complain-y traveler) isn't whining about early hours or stiff chairs or anything. If anything he's more attentive than usual.

"Do you want to watch _Dunkirk?"_ Andrew asks him with moony eyes like he's just proposed they watched the hit romcom of the year.

"Uh, sure," Steven says, thinking he'll settle into that eventually as he flips through the movie options they have on the screen in front of his seat. Andrew's is already queued up, and he's got headphones in-or one anyway, but his eyes are on Steven.

"Oh," Steven blinks, realization dawning, "Did you mean together?"

"I mean, we don't have to," Andrew says quickly, second-guessing himself, but Steven gives his hand a squeeze over their divider. 

"No, I like that idea."

Andrew's ears are a little pink. 

"It might be a little intense, that's all. So we could hold hands while we watch it. If you want."

Steven's smile broadens. "Great idea."

Andrew hides his embarrassment in a cough. "So if we start it at the same time it should be synced." 

"Oh, okay," Steven says, and he scrolls back till _Dunkirk_ is on the screen.

"On the count of 3?"

"1, 2, **3**..."

The movie starts, and Andrew is immediately drawn in, enthralled by a good historical drama like nothing else.

'Well,' Steven thinks to himself as he holds Andrew's hand over the armrest, 'like almost nothing else.'

 ✟✟✟

They land, and he finds himself almost immediately immersed in it: the thrill of being somewhere new, heightened by having Andrew and Adam at his side. 

They're going to make three episodes here and the first one up is seafood. 

Steven himself loves it: loves fish, loves the beach, loves everything that comes with it. 

There's a moment when they're filming their Seafood Facts! on the cliffs by the ocean for a change in scenery, and Andrew "pranks" him by giving him a little shove, and then immediately catches him, his strong arms looped around his waist.

Steven's heart is still pounding in his chest when they pull back from each other, even though he knows, of course, Andrew would never in a million years actually place him in that kind of danger.

It's not his fault, anyway, that he fell for him.

Andrew looks so good here, in the salt and the spray, and Steven wonders if Adam is getting all of this on camera, the way he looks, the way he looks at him before they head back to their hotel for the night.

Cause as far as Steven's concerned, tonight's the night that everything changes. 

✟✟✟

 He and Andrew are sharing a room.

This knowledge thrums beneath his ribs all the way back up the elevator, and he wonders if Adam is thinking the same thing he is since he's the only other one going up with them.

Steven feels like he does. His 'goodnight, guys,' seems more meaningful than normal as he goes to the room down the hall from theirs, or maybe Steven's overthinking again.

Is the curve of his shoulders sad? Jealous? Maybe he always walks like that.

Steven doesn't have a lot of time to think about this because then Andrew is sliding their key in their room and with a click of the lock they're in.

Their suitcases are already here, on top of each of the beds, and open so they could change when they got here this morning. 

He can see that Andrew is very determinedly sliding into their pre-them routine, going to pick out his pajamas from his case like there's no tension in the air right now like there isn't something between them that Steven wants, but is so afraid to ask for.

He almost asks when he sees Andrew thoughtfully picking up his crisply folded soft gray sleepshirt. 

"Drew," he says, and Andrew finally looks up at him with those green, inquisitive eyes. 

His courage immediately fails him. 

"I'm uh, going to shower," he says, blushing, and Andrew looked more determinedly back down at his suitcase. "Alright." 

And Steven is left to fumble for his own pajamas and slip past him, into the tiny shared bathroom, closing the door that separates them. 

✟✟✟

Steven recognizes the signs of his own spiraling. 

'He doesn't want me,' that voice tells him when he shampoos his hair.

'Why would he?'

No.

Steven's eyes sting with the shampoo, frustration, and maybe something else as he does a rush job at rinsing himself and slams the faucet off.

He's not going to give up that easily. 

✟✟✟

When Steven towels himself off, he reaches for his pajamas and then pauses at another fluffy white object hung up for him.

What was life without a little risk?

✟✟✟

 Drew is in bed when he opens the door, steam pouring out behind him. 

Andrew isn't asleep, though, he's sitting up reading the book he brought with him on the plane. A giant biography of some kind, that he was right in the middle of.

"Drew," Steven says for the second time, and again, Andrew looks up from what he's doing again he stares at him with those eyes, but this time Steven is going to act.

His hands move without him, it seems, he feels like he must be shaking as he undoes the belt of his robe. 

Andrew doesn't say anything, he just stares and stares and stares his fill, as Steven lets it fall open, exposing himself entirely to him. 

He doesn't know if it's sexy, or if Andrew is going to laugh or try to cover him up before he embarrasses himself, but Steven lets the robe fall off his shoulders where it melts down at his feet.

Andrew, who is so, so very careful to keep looking in the correct places, who is terribly modest in all things, looks his fill.

Those deep green eyes filled with so much intensity are now honed in on him, on his body. They trail down to his cock, and then back up to meet his gaze.

Steven gets goosebumps. He can't speak.

And then, slowly, Andrew sets the book down, on the side table, and methodically pushes back the covers, and walks right up to Steven in his gray sleepshirt and white-striped pajama bottoms and puts his hands on Steven's bony, naked hips and kisses him.

✟✟✟

In spite of what he's done with Adam, he's never gotten to this part—the naked part, the part where a lover sees you exposed for the first time and decides if they still want you. 

It wasn't done in the heat of the moment and he's not drunk or tipsy either, but as his courage falters, Andrew doesn't.

Steven is kissed as he's pressed down into the mattress, he's kissed as he feels Andrew run his hands down his chest, he's kissed as Andrew makes his way down his body. 

When Andrew takes him in his mouth he still has his t-shirt on, that's something he'll remember for the rest of his life. Him, naked against the sheets, he can barely look through his fingers at Andrew who can hardly look away. 

"Drew," Steven remembers saying, arching up into the bed so his back is bowed in a perfect arch as Andrew swallows him down. 

"Oh god," Steven said then, again and again, his hands making fists in the hotel bedsheets as Drew pushed himself up and down his cock. It's too much, after months, hell, years of wanting and not touching, to feel that wet heat around him, to see Andrew's intensity all focused on him and his pleasure after avoiding it for so long.

"Drew, Andrew, _god_ , please."

Andrew's fingers curled under Steven's thighs and he pulled him in, tight, to take him deeper into his mouth. 

"Drew," it was like a sigh, his eyes fluttering closed, and he felt the dance of his fingers across his skin as well as the skilled slickness of his mouth.  "Fuck." 

That buildup, that roaring rushing wave took over much too soon, and Steven gripped the sheets and cried out. "Drew, I-!" and came, pulsating down Andrew's throat. 

 Steven shook with the force of it, overwhelmed, and gasping, as he came back to himself, staring up at a cold, dark ceiling in a dimly lit hotel room.

He didn't have time for the shame to kick in, because Andrew brought him back to the moment. He was kissing him again, kissing both thighs and both sides of his hips. 

Steven looked at him now, and even as he struggled to catch his breath he felt his face warm at the serene expression on Andrew's face now as he rubbed his cheek reverently at the inside of Steven's thigh.

"Drew," he said again, and his voice cracked, and then Andrew was crawling up to meet him, turning his face so that Steven's kiss landed on his cheek.

"Andrew," Steven stammered petulantly, and Drew said, "Uhm," in his deep voice, "Just trying to save you....from, _you know_ ," and Steven felt his face truly blush now. 

"Oh," he said, and his face scrunched up. "Ew. Thanks."

Andrew chuckled against his throat. "Sure." 

Andrew contented himself with kissing his neck, but that didn't last long—Steven's own need to kiss him won out, and soon he was pulling him up again and guiding him back to his mouth, and Andrew smiled into the kiss. 

"Is this the part where you take off your shirt?" Steven asked after a minute, and Andrew smiled again. 

"Are you asking me to take off my shirt?"

Steven stared obstinately at the ceiling, "I mean if you're hot-"

"Do you think I'm hot?" Andrew teased him, and in spite of himself Steven blushed and Andrew laughed out loud.

"It's not a secret," he whispered to him. "That you like me. I just sucked y-" 

"Andrew,"  Steven whined, and Andrew chuckled again, but didn't torture him, sitting up and away. 

 "Your wish is my command," Andrew said, and Steven rolled his eyes, affecting more annoyance than he felt as he sat back on his elbows as Andrew pulled off his shirt by the back of it, and suddenly he was there, half on top of him and half-naked, in all of his glory.

"God, you're disgusting," Steven said out loud, which he absolutely didn't mean to say, and Andrew let out a shocked laugh.

"That's...a first."

"I just mean....look at you!" Steven said uselessly as Andrew looked down at his ridiculously attractive fit chest and surprisingly (or not so surprisingly) nice arms. Not to mention the guy had abs. Abs!!! And a cute face to boot.

"...yes?" Andrew asked, looking back up at Steven like he wasn't sure if he got the joke, and Steven pulled him back down to him to kiss him, "It's not fair," he whinged, and Andrew grinned, making it harder for them to kiss. 

"You should see yourself," Drew said in that deep, aroused voice of his.

"...yeah?"

"God, yeah," Andrew sighed, and then Steven was bold, and reached to grab him through his pajama pants and Drew hissed in surprise. 

"Please, please let me help you," Steven said against Drew's ear and Drew groaned loudly. 

"Yeah," he said, "Okay, yeah, yeah, of course, baby."

And he was pulling himself out of his pajama pants and underwear and then fully, massively naked and on top of Steven. It was a lot. 

Even after coming, Steven thought he needed a moment. 

"Fuck, let me-" Drew was saying, and then he rolled off the bed, Steven not-so-disguisedly watching him as his naked ass walked down into the ensuite bathroom, before coming back out with some lotion, to avoid the burn.

"I'm just going to-" Andrew said, and he was pouring some onto his hands and rubbing it over his cock, his beautiful hand rubbing the slick up and down in a way that Steven found himself hopelessly committing to memory, his throat going dry.

Then he crawled back, close, and above Steven, between his thighs. 

Steven tightened his legs, and Andrew gasped. "Can you just-" he began and then he was thrusting, gently, against the tight space between his legs. "Would you...." his forehead was resting against Steven's shoulder. He was panting hot against his ear. "Is this okay?"

Steven ran his hands through Andrew's short hair and over the muscles of his back, touching as much of him as he could.

"Yes, fuck, Andrew, yes," he said. Was that even a question?

Andrew kissed his shoulder and then he was doing it, rutting against him and Steven barely had to do anything as Andrew groaned in pleasure. It was easy to imagine this a step further, to imagine Andrew slipping inside of him, and Steven shuddered in pleasure of his own. 

"Yeah, Drew," he gasped. "Fuck me." 

"Oh, _fuck_ ," Andrew choked out, and he was coming, all over him, between his legs in hot, thick spurts as he moaned against Steven's ear. Steven wrapped his arms around him and kissed whatever part of Drew he could reach-it was easier to do when Drew wasn't looking at him.

Finally Drew caught his breath and collapsed next to him.

"Oh my god," he said, and then he was turning to give Steven a breathless, sweaty grin, a slightly mad look in his eyes that Steven recognized from filming episodes where he was caught off guard by how delicious something was.

Steven knew the feeling. He couldn't stop smiling at him either.

"That was..." Drew said, and then he was grabbing Steven's hand and kissing his knuckles, and Steven's heart flipped.

"Thank you," Andrew murmured and Steven's eyebrows raised, questioning.

Andrew looked a little shy but terribly earnest as he said, "For...sharing your first time with me."

And his heart flipped again, this time for a different reason.

He thought of Adam, his hand on his cock, gasping and grunting on the couch.

He looked back at Drew, wonderful, patient, old-fashioned Drew, who was waiting for his response. Who deserved the truth. 

 "Yeah," Steven's voice squeaked, this time unable to look away from the warmth of Andrew's green eyes.

"Of course."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So so sorry about the thousand year hiatus. I've been woefully blocked from finishing this until recently, but hopefully this helped make up for it!


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Absolutely no excuse for how late this is....happy Valentine's Day, lovers.

_You're the one habit I just can't kick_  
_You're the one habit I just can't kick_  
_You're the one habit I just can't kick_  
_You're the one habit I just can't kick_

✟✟✟

Steven has a hard time sleeping that night, which is a pity, because Andrew sleeps like a baby.

It's kind of adorable, but also kind of makes him feel even worse, knowing that Andrew is comfortable enough to make himself vulnerable with him, lying there all shirtless and beautiful, believing he just helped him....lose his...virginity.

Jesus.

Steven winced. He really didn't need to think about Jesus right now.

At any rate, its long after midnight before Steven falls asleep.

✟✟✟

"Good morning," Andrew wakes him with the flirtiest smile, and okay, they've done the whole shared room thing before but this in itself is new.

It almost made up for how tired he felt.

"Guess what," Andrew says, and he's leaning over him and Steven has to fight the instinct to pull the covers up over his own bare chest.

"What?"

Andrew surprises him with a kiss and a stupid, beaming grin. "I like you."

"Oh," Steven says, turning pink and Andrew laughs. 

"No," Andrew says, grinning. "I mean, yes-" he punctuates that with another kiss. "But no, I mean. Today's the wine episode."

"Oho," Steven says, and Andrew nods in encouragement. "How romantic."

"Well, yeah," Andrew agrees, bouncing a little as he hops off the bed, "Gonna see more of Australia today." He reaches in for his suitcase to get a clean shirt, "Gonna see some Aussies," his voice becomes muffled underneath cotton, "Some...Straya." He pops his head out, all sunshine and short blond hair, "Mate."

"Oh man," Steven says, as though that's not the cutest thing he's ever seen. "I'm dating a dad."

"Hey," Andrew says, grinning way too much to pretend to be offended. "Not yet, I'm not."

There's an awkward beat, and then Andrew is clearing his throat and saying, "Uh, that's...that was-"

"It's fine," Steven says, but he's a little flustered too. 

Dropping his feet to the floor, Steven goes for his suitcase, looking for his better dress shirt. "Let's find us some...barbies...for some...shrimp." His own Australian accent manages to be even more garbled than Andrew's. 

"Oh, Steven," Andrew sighs. "I thought you'd never ask."

✟✟✟

They pack up, and get their rental car and are on the road in no time, the three amigos.

Steven wonders if Adam can tell they had sex last night, or if he cares, but its honestly difficult to tell with his sunglasses on.

The day is romantic, anyway. Steven's still not one for alcohol, but if it means he gets to be with Andrew in this crazy beautiful field in the middle of Australia, with Adam filming them laughing on a stone wall then he's all in.

He's several glasses of wine into another day in paradise. 

They get to stroll through this vineyard, with this awesome old man who is happy to talk Andrew's ear off about things that won't even make the cut (in fact they're not filming anymore) when Adam approaches him.

"Having a good time?" he asks in his understated way of his, and Steven nods, that chill buzz still thrumming under his skin from the wine even as he feels his tongue swell in his mouth.

Adam's not wearing his sunglasses inside, and his amber eyes flicker with some unspoken question behind his regular frames, dancing around it. 

"Y-yeah," Steven says. 'Are you?' he almost asks, but doesn't. He doesn't feel drunk, but he does feel stupid. That's nothing new.

 "It's a beautiful place," he says instead.

"Yeah," Adam says, and he watches as Andrew walks around the corner, into some back room with their host, leaving the two of them alone. 

Steven feels like he should say something, anything else.

"He's in love with you," Adam says, and if Steven's not hearing things, there's a depth there- more passion in his voice than he's heard since that awful night.

"I know," Steven says quietly. He doesn't know what to say. Should he apologise? 

"Adam, I-"

But Adam pushes him against a rack of bottles, just hard enough to make the glass clink together dangerously as he pulls Steven down by his silver hair for a kiss.

Adam's knee is between Steven's legs, and Steven feels suddenly so much more drunk than he did five minutes ago.

 His arms wrap around Adam's neck, holding him close as his beard brushes against his cheek, kissing him so ferrally he feels that this whole place might come down around their ears in expensive shards of emerald and amber.

But then, Adam pulls away, leaving Steven's head spinning and he almost slumps forward. 

"Hey," Adam says softly, and he pushes against the shelf, making it rattle, but steadying it with a firm hand just behind Steven's ear.

"You're right," Adam says, and Steven can't remember what it is he's right about, but Adam pushes his hair back up, like he's styling it, making it less mussed than it was, just minutes ago. "It is a beautiful place."

"Adam," Steven breathes, but there's the sound of voices coming back, and Adam steps back just before Andrew comes into view.

"Hey," Andrew says, and he's beaming like he's been all day, but this time there's a fire in Steven's belly. "There are these like, hundred-year old barrels back there."

Steven can feel two pairs of eyes on him, and two different expectations.

"You guys are missing out."

✟✟✟

They're going back to their inn for the night, and the drive is surprisingly peaceful in spite of the different emotions he feels churning in his gut.

There are actual stars out here in the countryside, and the walk down the gravel pathway fills Steven's lungs with the strangest sense of nostalgia. For as much as he's done to adapt to the city, he is, after all, a country boy at heart.

Andrew has hardly looked away from the sky, and Adam has hardly looked away from Andrew, and Steven can hardly blame him.

"Would you look at that?" Andrew asks, and he's pointing towards a specific cluster of stars that Steven turns his eyes towards. 

"It's like...I think thats Argo Navis," Andrew says, and he looks like a little boy, he's so excited. "Or rather," he says, looking at them both like its an inside joke they're sharing, "According to a certain French astronomer, Puppis the Stern."

Adam laughs, though that could be because it as such a ridiculous name, and Steven just manages a confused, "Oh."

He loves looking at the sky, always has, but maybe he's just not creative enough to see pictures in the clouds or the stars.

Andrew comes over close and wraps an arm around his shoulders, directing him where to look, as his arm goes back up, pointing towards the sky. 

"See that really bright star?"

Steven looks, really looks, from where Andrew's finger directs him, straight to a ball of heavenly gas that glows just this much brighter than the others.

"Yeah," Steven says, leaning into Andrew's warmth. It's easier to see with Andrew showing it to him.

"Right," Andrew says, and he's almost nuzzling him now. "Just below it are these seven points that kind of...look like the shape of California."

"Oh," Adam says, reminding them both that he's standing there, right next to them, leaning in close on Steven's other side. "I see it."

In the middle of the countryside that night in Australia, Steven stands between two men and connects the dots.

✟✟✟

Adam gets their room keys while Steven and Andrew chat by the door. Steven feels comfortably tired and warm all over like he's spent a day at the beach instead of a vineyard.

"This one's for you guys," Adam says when he comes back, handing Andrew a key.

"Oh," Drew says, and then he exchanges a quick look between the other two boys. "I thought-I thought it was your turn tonight."

Steven turns fairly pink, darkening as Adam's eyes flicker to him. 

Suddenly, he's not so tired anymore.

After today, he can only imagine what Adam will do to him tonight.

"No," Adam says. "That's okay-"

"No, really," Andrew insists, trying to hand him back the key, but Adam surprises them both by wrapping his fingers around Andrew's and closing them around the key.

"Drew, it's okay. You guys are having a good time...and...so am I," Adam says, when Andrew looks like he's worried he's done something wrong, and this time Adam shows his own key.

"Look. 6A, and.."

Andrew's hand unfurls, "6B."

"If you need me," Adam says, his eyes going between the pair of them, "I'm just on the other side of the wall."

✟✟✟

It's actually a beautiful room, the one they get, very quaint with a generous bed and cherry oak furniture.

"Are you and him still..." Andrew stops in his tracks, nudging his suitcase aside with a slightly guilty expression, like he doesn't want to bring this up if it'll ruin their night.

"Yeah," Steven says. 

It may not be what Andrew wants to hear, but he has to tell him the truth.

There's a tension in the air, and Steven feels like he needs to say something, to make the air breathe again.

"Actually, Drew," Steven begins, and his voice wobbles. "We already...we..."

Andrew stares, doesn't argue, understands.

"What about this?" Andrew asks, and one hand is on his hip, and the other goes up to touch Steven's face.

"I don't know," Steven says in a shaky voice. "But he doesn't get jealous like that."

Andrew doesn't look like he believes him.

"I think he likes...likes us together."

Now this, Andrew looks like he might believe. 

✟✟✟

Andrew takes his time undressing Steven tonight. 

He has stuff...in a little jar that Steven wonders if he brought with him from home, or if he bought it since they got there, but he thinks its probably the latter.

They barely talk. 

He's not sure he has the words, or even what he'd want to say, but his legs wrap around Andrew giving him no room to doubt what he wants, or at least, what he thinks he wants....what he wants to try.

Andrew's eyes ask anyway.

Steven's say yes.

He thought he'd feel much more nervous about it, but then Andrew is sliding down his body, and mouthing at his most intimate places, and Steven kind of, almost forgets to feel any anxiety at all.

"Oh," Steven says, and Andrew's tongue is inside him. 

His toes curl and his eyes screw shut he swears and shudders and moans.

By the time Andrew's fingers are inside him, Steven's gone boneless, his cock leaking a mess all over both of them as Andrew mouths at his jaw.

"Drew," Steven sighs, and Andrew sticks another in. 

They both know when he feels it. 

His arms, loose in their sloppy embrace, tighten-all of his muscles tighten, and he this time when he says, "Drew!" it's urgent, but luckily Andrew knows exactly what he means. 

 Andrew fumbles only slightly when he pours the lube over his cock, and Steven tightens for a second until Andrew's face is in view, and he relaxes, welcomes him in.

"Steven," Andrew murmurs when he sinks into him, mouthing at his neck. Steven is wrapped around him so tightly, he thinks Andrew might have indents in his skin, where his arms and legs were pushed against his back, asking for more.

They share a hot, breathy kiss, both of them trying to remember to breathe, and then Andrew Ilynycki is fucking him.

"Steven," Andrew smears against his mouth, pushing in, Steven's thighs pressed up against his chest. "Steven."

"Fuck," Steven gasps. "Drew."

 They exchange an endless stream of kisses as Drew fucks him shallowly, their noses are almost smushed together with the intensity of their closeness, and then Andrew is just pushing their foreheads together and moving his hips and adjusting his hold before he begins to fuck him better. The bed creaks.

Steven moans. 

"Andrew," he whimpers and Drew swears, the headboard rocks against the wall.

Steven can hardly think, but there's one thought in his head, and he clutches at Andrew, clutches at his hair, at the nape of his neck, and whispers, gasps, cries out the wrong name.

Somewhere on the other side, Adam hears it all.


End file.
